Pyromaniac: Uzumaki Naruto!
by The Magnificent It
Summary: With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately, no one told Naruto this. When through a bizarre series of events he becomes something much stronger, he will be lead down a path that will define him anew.
1. Chapter 1

**The following is a one chapter story, set the classic super-Naruto set-up. Why a one-shot you say? Well this isn't a oneshot, so much as a story that I plan to continue much later, once I have completed one or two of my other stories (CoughJashinCoughCuttingStringsCough).**

**So there. I have laid down the ground rules.**

Read.

**(As a side note, I am using a different section off method then the traditional XXXXXXX, so be prepared for that. And there will be swearing in this, so watch out you people who don't like swearing.)**

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An ocean of fire.

The limbs of blackened trees stretched skyward, red embers floating accross the plains of Konoha forest like so many fireflies. The night was almost day in the red haze of disaster, and burning, horrid destruction. Furthur from the inferno, ninja of the territory, the wounded and the medics, hastened around in fear as the wall of fire steadily drew closer to the camp.

The conflict had risen just a day before. The walking cataclysm had appeared not 24 hours ago, seeking to destroy them.

Kyuubi, the demon fox.

A chilling howl filled the camp, shaking the foundations of the tents, and rattling the wounded, there badly burned mouths opening wide from the trauma, cries of fear and agony barely whispers over the howl.

Then, the shaking started. Like a small earthquake, one after another, they came. Unanimously, horror rose up from the patients in the ward, as they realized the beast was upon them.

Like a hurricane the wind rose up. The fires, previously furthur away, engulfed the trees around them. The fires, gods the fires, mountainous pillers of hell, though pailed in comparison to the titanic beast that materialized over the haze of rising air. A titanic muzzle, adorned with rows of teeth taller then a full grown man, ears twitching with anticipation.

It was the eyes that drove the weak willed insane though. Two hellish slits, mounted against crimson red brighter and darker then a sea of blood. No light reflected from them, despite the abundance of super-heated fire. The medical camp had no chance at defense as the flames exploded around them.

As the fearsome behemoth lurched away, snarling, its tails whipping and twisting, the only evidence it had ever been there was the charred bones, which crumbled to dust.

And then they were gone...

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_/Nine Years later.../_

"BRAT! Teach you to steal my wares!" The dull thunk of foot against flesh met the older civilians cry.

_'Damnit...I HATE getting caught...' _The currently defenseless thief cried mentally, while on the outside, he flinched as the foot connected harshly with his ribs. "Don't ever come back to my store, you STINKING fox-bastard!" The shop-keep spat, giving one exceedingly heavy kick, before walking out of the ally he had caught him in.

The thief, or fox-bastard as the shop keep had so eloquotly called him, lay in a heap of what appeared to be rain water, only one of his eyes open, the other to bruised to be so. _'How does this...keep happening to me...?'_ he dutifully asked, shakily sitting up. Slowly creeping to a standing position, the boy, clad in a dirty pair of blue shorts, white shirt and sandels, pushed a grimmy patch of blond hair out of his face.

Under the wet patch of hair, there was the face of a boy who had seen much pain. A single blue eye looked left and right outside the opening of the alley, searching fearfully for another would-be attacker. His slightly bronzed face sighed thankfully, though twisted into a grimace as he clutched his ribs in pain.

"Stupid shop-keeper...didn't have to rough me up so much. It was just a loaf of bread..." The still very hungry blonde sighed. He would maybe get lucky tomorrow, perhaps one of the food-store clerks wouldn't be as perceptive as this one was. His stomach growled at the thought of being denied food again, though the blonde did his best to ignore it.

Uzumaki Naruto was a little reluctant to admit he suffered from an extreme sense of paranoia. As his facial bruise began to heal, as he was gifted with an extremely fast regeneration, Naruto cast a nervous look at the retreating backs of two villagers.

He could have sworn, like so many other times, they had said something. To him, specificly. Always whispers the voices of the villagers were, never barely loud as a breath, but still loud enough to be heard. It would sometimes scare the boy a little at the things he thought they'd say.

"...demon...""...monster...""...sack of unholy spawn..." These were all just examples of the threats he heard under there breaths. He knew it was them, he wasn't crazy and hearing voices. Oh no, it was them alright. It was like the entire village was shunning him, just for who he was!

A sudden wave of self conciousness erupted in Naruto, and reaching up, he strocked the only odd physical attribute of himself. Naruto had whiskers, three long, thin lines accross his cheeks, like a cats. Or a foxes.

_'I wonder...if its because of these...that everyone hates me?' _He asked coldly to himself, gently rubbing his cheek. The boy of nine couldn't help feeling that life, no matter how hard he tried, was against him.

From the first day he could remember, he was hated. He could not remember a time when the children at the park would grow eerily quiet when he asked to play, before tearing off to there parents. He couldn't remember a time when hushed voices followed him through the streets, like a malevolent ghost haunting him for some misdeed.

And the beatings. Somehow, he was the only kid in the entire village how got a beating weekly. It was one of those situations when non-conformity could be a real bitch.

A tall form smacked into his shoulder, knocking him to the ground suddenly. Looking up at the retreating back of the man, he was met with a retreating figure, of a person who refused to even recognize him. That hurt more then any beating. When a child is born, they need attention, and lots, otherwise they grow up mentally withdrawn, and in bad cases, become twisted.

If that was remotely true, Naruto would have been more twisted then a bent coat-hanger. He didn't have parents, he was a lousy ass ninja who the instructors generally ignored, the student body generally hated him, and any attention he did get was bad. Just freakin' wonderful.

Now in an extremely foul mood, the boy of nine stepped infront of the run-down orphanage, his home for most of his life. He hated it there. Poor sleeping areas, crap food, unheated rooms, with little to no sympathy from the caretakers. And the landlord? Forget about him. He had about as much compassion as he himself had control infront of a bowl of ramen.

Not a whole lot.

Giving a disgusted grunt, Naruto scowled, before continuing his walk. Screw that rat-hole, he had better places to sleep.

A short two blocks away, Naruto looked up at his home away from home. To many, it would have appeared to be suicide just to step onto the crumbling brick and wood of the building. Nine years previously the structure had caught fire, and the village had yet to get around to tearing it down and replacing it.

Naruto snuck past the sign reading **"WARNING: HAZARDOUS, DO NOT ENTER PREMISES!"**, before beginning his climb skyward. The old, crumbling stairs looked unsteady, but from experience Naruto knew they weren't. He had climbed them enough times to know. Every once in a while when he grew tired of the many problems of shelter life, he'd come here.

Heading past the second floor, Naruto cracked the hatch open that led to the roof. From there, a rickety spire stood, roof partially caved in, windy and wind worn. Walking through the door to it, Naruto took in the places inside. Despite its rundown appearance outside, Naruto had taken a point to refurnash the place, adding his own touches to it while making it more livable.

The hole was covered with a tarp, creating a makeshift window. Previously, Naruto believed this room was used as a sort of emergency supplie closet of some kind, why it was on the roof, he didn't know. He did know however that the shelves that once been adorned with cleaning products now held his prized objects, a few pictures he'd drawn, a doll or actions figure as he called it here and there.

To the side was a small sleeping bag, with a table, a candle and several manga on it. Naruto sighed to himself as he nelt infront of the tarp, lifting it slightly to observe his hiding places most winning quality.

The view of the entire village at sunset. Red adorned the now golden and orange sphere as it decended to earth, the sky above it dark with storm clouds that would strike that night. But for now, all Naruto could do was stare at possibly the only truly happy thing in his rather melancholy life.

Naruto loved the sun. It fascinated him, intrigued him and on some level, he was obsessed with it. Naruto had always been drawn to the giant fire disk in the sky, as a younger boy, sometimes he'd stare at it for to long, and temporarily blind himself! And to see such a thing against such a backdrop filled him with a sort of tranquilty, if for a moment.

Slowly, the orb disappeared entirely, leaving the sky inky dark. Naruto yawned tiredly, and sent his still hungry belly a threatening look as it grumbled again. Tomorrow, maybe he'd get lucky, he told himself as he drew into his blankets, and prepared to doze off.

An hour later however, he was awoken with a tiny splash of water on his nose. Rising like a zombie, the blonde pivoted his head around his surroundings, before he snapped awake. The rain he had previously blown off was now a full blown storm.

Grabbing his candle, Naruto took a match from under his mattress, and quickly lit it, trying to see in the nearly black room.

It was POURING. The tarp he had set up to keep rain and wind out had broken away from the roof as water accumulated inside it, leaving the hole gapping open, and spilling countless water droplets on his floor, and table, and manga.

"NANI?!" Naruto sprang up, grabbing the now soaked manga, and setting them away from the window. Searching for the tarp, he realized with a sinking stomach it was two stories below on the village streets, in a puddle of mud. Great.

The roof above his head pounded loudly with each steadily heavier drop spattered against it, creating loud, scary groaning noises that would have sent any other nine-year old under a table crying. Naruto was no ordinary nine-year old.

"Oh dear god help me!" He panicked, looking left and right for something to ease the terror that coursed through him. It just so happened Naruto really didn't like creaking wood...

Yeah...

Then the thunder and lightning started. As many children can attest to, being stuck in a small wooden shack suspended two stories above a concrete street during an insane electrical storm with it creaking left and right, can be a liiiiittle scary.

As Naruto sat there, huddled in fear as the water outside lashed and the lightning crackled, his only solace in the terrifying situation was the small candle he kept within eye sight, flickering brightly. Unfortunately for Naruto, the gods didn't exactly favor him.

With a sudden gust of wind, a shower of water flew through the hole in the wall, and extinguished the flame. Naruto's heart nearly stopped, the room now filled with darkness, so dark, the only thing that illuminated it was the random flash of lightning.

Naruto froze...simply sitting there, before he panicked. Gripping the pack of matches, he took two, and set them to the whick of the candle. No luck. The candle would not start, the matches soon dying. Naruto gulped, lighting more. And again, it would not light.

Try and again, he failed to light the candle, the matches of low quality, quickly burning out before they could dry it. All to soon, Naruto was upon his last match. _'For the love of god, kami, or whoever the hell is listening, please let this be the one...' _Naruto hesitantly lit the match, and held it to the whick.

To his horror, the whick did not light. The flame of the match slowly began to wind down the wood that made it, before with a shout Naruto threw the smoking match away, landing in the forming puddle in the middle of the room.

Huddling into himself, Naruto clenched his eyes shut. _'No...nonononono! Please, please, I need light! Light! Show me LIGHT!" _

From within, his crie rang out like a thousand bells, reverberating deep within himself. And, shockingly enough, something answered.

Naruto's currently clenched eyes widened slightly, when a light, if a small one, filled the room. Cracking an eye open, Naruto, baffled, asked himself the important question, have I gone insane, or is that a floating bit of fire infront of me?

Hesitantly, Naruto sat forwards, looking at the little flame, hoping, praying he hadn't gone off the deep end. Indeed, it looked like it. It was like the fire at the end of a candle, suspended in mid-air, defying gravity and several other important universal laws.

Hesitantly, as if afraid it would disappear the moment he looked straight at it, Naruto cupped his hands around the flame. To his surprise however, instead of being burned, a warm, almost comforting sensation filled him from his fingertips to his toes. Opening his hands again, he sighed happily as the flame still sat there, flickering.

Naruto, getting over the sense of stunned surprise, gave a confused look at it. "D...did I do this? Did I bring you here?" The flame remained impassive to his question, which partly relieved Naruto. If it had actually said something he would have thought he was going crazy.

His relief hitched when the flame faltered however. The fire, previously burning brightly gave a sudden sputter, before growing dimmer. Panick filled Naruto. "S-shit, don't burn out! Comeon, I got nothing else, don't leave me!" In his panic, Naruto pushed himself, almost willing the fire to continue burning. Oddly enough...

It did.

The fire, previously about to go out, regained new life, glowing brighter then before. Naruto exhaled, though he now was confused, what was happening? The fire however, began to dim again, and experimentally, Naruto concentrated on the thought of it growing brighter. It did so.

Like a child with a new toy, Naruto giggled. This was great! It was like it was his pet or something! Naruto grew a slightly more wicked grin. Concentrating even harder, he made the fire grow a little larger, before giggling. Part of him wondered if he could get it REALLY big. Outside, the rain pounded harder then ever, but he paid it no mind, it was a slight distraction in the face of this new discovery.

Concentrating, Naruto thought of a REALLY big flame...

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Two blocks away, Imino Iruka sipped his coffe warmly, sifting through several tests from the day before.

Sometimes, he really worried about his class. In one box, a Michicho had written "What Iruka said the other day.", in the hopes of getting it correct by default. This was squashed as Iruka made a large red slash throught it.

"Man, its really pouring out there." Iruka said, staring out the window distractedly...

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Sarutobi, the grand leader of the village, and current hokage, sighed as he prepared to combat his greatest enemy.

Paperwork. The accursed stuff was always piling up, like a neverending mound of snow, that he alone was to shovel. He was too damn old for crap like this! Sometimes, he honestly WISHED someone would attack the village, if to just get away from the accursed PAPERWORK!

Seriously, if the opportunity presented itself, he'd welcome it with open arms...

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Hatake Kakashi, in his one floor apartment, sighed as he flipped a page in an all to familiar red novel, before looking out the window. He was bored. Bored, bored bored bored, BORED. Icha Icha was always entertaining, hence why he hadn't found sometime else to occupy his thoughts, but it could only go so far.

Still better boredom then being outside in the rain. "Man, I do not envy whoever has to go outside in weather like this-

Similtaniously, three heads, one with a pine-apple haircut, one adorned with a red ornamental hat, and one with a flop of silver hair spun as the entire village shook violently.

**"KKAAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!"**

An explosion shook the foundation of the village itself, rattling windows, vibrating the floors under there feat. Iruka, being a little less rash, stuck his head outside the window in the direction of the explosion, seeing a vast plumb of smoke rising high into the expanse of the storm, its dark billows illuminated by a raging fire.

Farther from the blast, two very famous ninja that were previously mentioned sprung into action, the hokage barking orders to his subordinates, Kakashi breaking through his window and taking off towards the shockwave.

The epicentre, as it turned out, was a small rundown building that had been around since the Kyuubi assault.

A pier at the top of the building smoked horribly, its wooden structure threatening to give way under its ever growing weaker supports. The fire had originated from there clearly, as it was the only spot up in flames. That was going to change soon, as the flames began to creep along the building, despite the heavy rain.

In his pajama's, a rather funny sight, Iruka asked the nearest shinobi, who by coincidence was Iruka, what was happening. "Oi, whats the fire about?!" He asked lamely, the chuunin turned to greet the Hatake over the blustering winds of the storm.

"Don't know, that building has apparrently been struck by a bolt of lightning or something! I think the ANBU are moving to put it out now!" As Iruka said this, dark clad Ninja could be seen scaling the walls of buildings, heading accross the street from the fire piller.

**"Suiton: Rikkido Ba-suto!" **(Liquid burst!) From the palms of the men great gyser's of water exploded out, dousing the raging fires as the rain couldn't. Steam rose high as the pillers wavered, the foundation of the building beginning to creak badly under the weight of dozens of gallons of water suddenly being added to its rotting brick and wood.

"Its coming down!" Someone shouted over the howl of rain, the spire that had previously looked terribly unsturdy now creaked in its death throughs, ready to careen to the hard concrete floor. Part of the floor under it suddenly gave way, showering debris on the ground, nearly crushing one unlucky man. A sudden horrified cry rang up in the village.

"There's a boy up there!" One woman, a civilian shouted, as a small mop of orange hair, attached to a singed boy hung over the hard ground, his limp arms swaying under the winds. He was going to fall. Any minute now, he was going to fall.

Fear clenched at the crowd as if in slow motion, he slipped, unconcious through the hole, plummeting down. With a sinking sensation, Iruka realized who it was that plummeted to the ground. Uzumaki Naruto, a student of his class.

And the container...

In mid-air, Naruto's limped form was mercifully saved from a painful death thanks to the efforts of Kakashi. Mid-air he intercepted the boy, catching him as gracefully as he could, barely missing the large hunk of wood following Naruto's decent. Kakashi was a little frightened at the boys weight actually, it was surprisingly light...

Landing in a crouch, Kakashi only had a moment to set Naruto down, before both he and the boy were surrounded by ninja and civilian, a defening crash erupting behind him. "Oi, Kakashi, good job, that kid mighta died hadn't you-" The villager, a man of about thirty said, though choked mid-sentence as he quickly recognized the ash covered boy. "K-kyuubi-!" He said hushedly, before growling and walking off.

Kakashi didn't pay the civilian, or any of the others that walked away in disgust moments later any mind. Kakashi simply crouched, watching the two medic's work quickly to heal Naruto of ashy-lungs and any other wounds he might have sustained from the fire. Surprisingly or unsurprisingly (depending on how much you knew about Kyuubi's effects on its host) Naruto's eyes, while he was being looked over by the medics, suddenly snapped open. Sitting up abruptly, the two med-nin skirked back in surprise as the boy, almost black with soot, simply sat there dumbly for a few seconds.

Quietly, Iruka, who had snuck up behind Kakashi, asked. "N-Naruto? Are you...alright?" Naruto's blue eyes stared straight ahead for a few seconds, not acknowledging Iruka's presence, before he slowly looked into Iruka with wide eyes. "Ne...Iruka-sensei...?" The crowd of Ninja didn't move, didn't BREATH, as the near eerie voice of Naruto sung out to his teacher.

"Y-yes, Naruto?" Naruto stared long at his teacher, before a small grin snaked its way accross his jaw. "What happened...with the building?" Iruka didn't breath, but ground out an answer. "W-we think it was struck by lightning Naruto. That lightning caused the building to catch fire." Naruto frowned, the crease barely visible under the soot still on his face.

"Oooohh..." The grin suddenly came back, Naruto's eyes creasing into his traditional 'foxy-grin', minus the wicked smirk that came with it. No, this tiny upturn of the lip was far more soul-shaking, like you could actually feel some kind of insanity from the boy. He laughed. At first small, a brief chuckle, before erupting in full blown laughter in the hard rain.

No one joined his guffawing, as the last of the embers from the fire died...

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_/Three years later/_

"...Inuzuka Kiba?" The warm, happy and generally comforting, unless provoked of course, voice of Umino Iruka asked, in reply he recieved a clawed hand in the air, accompanied with a bark. Running down the list of names, Iruka ticked one off after another.

"Uchiha Sasuke?" Silence. "Uchiha Sasuke?" Iruka asked a little louder, before a "Humph." From the back caught his attention. "Ah, I see your here Sasuke. Please answer the next time I call your name." Iruka could have sworn that he could _hear _that kids glare, like a small beam of concentrated energy crackling. The kid had issues, that much was apparrent.

"Uzumaki Naruto?" Quiet. "Uzumaki Naruto?" _*Cricket, cricket.* _"Uzumaki..." Iruka ground out angrily, realizing Naruto was doing it again. Skipping.

A loud clatter outside of the classroom was heard, before the door was opened, and an ANBU stuck her head in. "Excuse me, Iruka-san, but we need to have a quick word with you about-" Iruka gave an exasperated sigh, interrupting her. "What did he do this time?" The ANBU, despite wearing a mask, gave him a rather perplexed look, before signalling behind her.

A much larger man wearing a monkey mask hoisted through the door, with one arm, a rather scrawny blonde boy, tied up from head to toe. The boy wore through the rope, a plain orange t-shirt, a large red swirl on it, signifying his lineage to Konoha (If you'eve ever seen young Naruto, that same swirl on his shirt). Large, baggy and slightly torn shorts adorned his legs, dotted with numerous pockets, bandage wrappings around his hands and ankles giving him a slightly ninjafied look. Green goggles adorned his scalp, normally drawn down over his eyes.

He also wore a cross between boots and sandels, something many of the other students found a little odd. "We found him trying to reshape the hokage monument with low grade explosives. Apparrently he was trying to specificly change the fourths image." Iruka gave him a shocked and confused look.

"What? I figured since the fourth already looked kinda like me, all I'd have to do was blow away a few of his features. I originally planned on blowing up the whole monument, but I decided to conserve my supplies. What?" Iruka's face, if possible looked more shocked. "What?! He does so look like me! Just a little off the chin, give him some cheek marks, and add goggles!"

The other ninja, the heavy guy, interrupted. "We ransacked his apartment and found all these-" He said, throwing a large sack of low grade explosives on the ground infront of Iruka. "This is just one of several bags we found." Iruka visibly paled, sending Naruto an almost horrified look, who just returned with a smirk.

The class had mixed reactions, all of which will be left to your imagination.

"Naruto..." The boy simply smirked. "Ano sa, ano sa, Iruka-sensei, surely you can't punish a guy who _techincally _hadn't done something wrong right? I mean we ARE allowed to carry explosives-" Naruto was silenced as a large hunk of chalk rebounded off his forhead. Iruka glared at him, before addressing the two ANBU present.

"Thank you from stopping him. I worry about Naruto sometimes, honestly. I will dispose of these explosives and the rest-" An exasperated crie came from Naruto. "Thank you for your help, you may go. I'll punish him, don't worry." The blonde boy was set on the wood ground, his bindings loosening instantly, to the point where the coils just fell to the ground.

The two jounin-level ninja disappeared in a flash, leaving them behind. Naruto hunched his back, pulling his goggles down, but a rough cough from Iruka stopped him from slinking off. "Ahem, Naruto? Where do you think YOUR going?" Naruto gave him a confused look.

"I'm going to go sit down like I'm supposed to. What else am I supposed to do?" Iruka gave him a wicked look, and despite Naruto's generally uncaring attitude, a shiver ran down his spine at the look. "POP QUIZ!" Naruto and the rest of the class cringed badly at Iruka's declaration. "All of you to the front, you'll be preforming the henge technique."

Grumples and threats towards a certain blonde issued from most of the class as they filed up. One by one, alphabeticly, they were told to create an image copy of someone they knew, such as Iruka, or someone of equal importance. As the line continued along, they all seemed to pass, some better then others.

"Ha! Did you see that Sasuke-kun?" Sakura, a kunoichi with a shocking hair color of pink asked the last Uchiha, looking for praise at completing the technique. He didn't respond however, seeming to dampen her spirits before they sprang back full force. Sakura was someone who was used to rejection.

"Alright Naruto, its your turn. Please try to henge into the hokage." Naruto frowned. "Alright, fine." He placed his hands into the seal, and ominously, the room grew quiet. His chakra flashed into the molding method, and he suddenly burst into smoke. Waving his hand dismisively, Iruka and the rest of the class waited for Naruto's transformation to finish.

"Naruto...you fail..." Iruka sighed, exasperated. Before him stood a heavily cartoonified version of the Sandaime, his noise and wart blown completely out of preportion, his stature short, and there were several other small short comings. Moments later, Naruto cancelled the technique. "Whatever." He said in a low tone.

Sakura suddenly spoke out of turn. "Ha! You suck Naruto! Can't even do a jutsu as simple as that!" Naruto cast her an irritated look, but said nothing. "Alright class, please be ready for tomorrows test. If you pass, you will become ninja. If you fail, another year. Have a good day, you are dismissed." The room quickly emptied of students, Naruto the last to leave.

"Ah-ah, where do you think your going Naruto? There's still the matter of your punishment." Naruto stopped, mid-step. "Wait, I thought that pre-test WAS my punishment?" Iruka's wicked smirk, combined with his slowly shaking head said otherwise.

Damn.

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"You missed a spot Naruto!" Iruka said from atop the momument, sitting idly in the shade as Naruto scrubbed the face of the monument. "Damn you Iruka-sensei! Why the hell do you have me doing this crap?!" Iruka frowned annoyedly. "You seemed so interested with the monument of the fourth, so I figured why not acquant you with it via letting you scrub it down? I can't think of a better way." Iruka smirked at Naruto's irritated shout.

45 minutes later, Naruto sat in a sweaty heap infront of him, gasping tiredly, wiping his forhead. "Can I please just go home now?" Iruka shook his head. "Your the one who thought it would be funny to blow up the monument Naruto. If you'd succeeded, innocent people could have been hurt, or worse! Think of this as punishment for your actions, your lucky I'm giving you a break as it is." Naruto cast him a dark look from behind goggles.

"Fine, whatever! Not like I have anyone to go home to anyways, so I can stand being late." Iruka flinched at the cold comment, Naruto simply opting to hop down the sheer side of the monument, before resuming where he left off. He didn't know about the troubled look that had come accross Iruka's face.

_'Right...he is an orphan afterall. I suppose...he could be just lashing out with all these explosion threats maybe? I know I used to do things like this, though not as extreme.' _Iruka guiltily sighed, before standing up and looking over the side of the cliff. "Oi, Naruto!" The blonde looked up, just as irritated as before.

"What, you jerk?!" Iruka ignored the comment "If you finish the monument today, I'll take you out to ramen!" Naruto stopped for a moment, growing contemplative. "Tell you what, you make it aburage and barbecue steak, and you got yourself a deal." Iruka gave him a surprised look, before he relented.

"Yeah, alright, whatever." He would live to regret these words, as Naruto immediately dived into his work with a fire Iruka had never seen.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Jeez Iruka-sensei, I've never seen a grown man cry so much." Naruto said, biting down on another piece of steak. Iruka however just sobbed comicly on the other side of the booth. Naruto shrugged, before chewing a piece of aburage, a wave of content washing over his features.

Iruka sobbed again, before he looked up, grabbing a piece of steak with his chop-sticks, and biting down miserably. _'Never...ever...take pity on Naruto, especially when it involves your wallet...' _Iruka resolved mentally, planning to tuck this information away.

Five minutes later, Naruto seemed satisfied, leaning back and sighing. "Thanks Iruka-sensei. That...was pretty good, I gotta say." Iruka smiled a bit at the thanks. "Your welcome Naruto. Enjoy this while you can though, as I'm not gonna make the mistake of buying you food again." Naruto gave Iruka a surprised look, before smirking.

"Well, since its a one time offer, I think I'll order four more plates of aburage. I was planning on holding off on eating, but since its just this once..." Naruto was interrupted as Iruka gave a massive sob, before huddling into himself. Naruto smirked widely, before laughing good naturedly. Iruka surprisingly joined him, simply laughing for the sake of laughing.

This drew some odd looks, but hey, they were freakin' ninja. They could care less.

"Hahaha...ha...why are we laughing?" Iruka asked, wiping a tear from his eye a few moments later. Naruto stopped giggling for a moment, drawing on a comicly thoughtful face. "Because...why not?" Iruka gave him an odd look, before smiling. "Sometimes...I worry about you Naruto."

Naruto smirked. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. So long a everything stays student-teacher, I'm cool." Iruka frowned while Naruto smirked. "Huh...sometimes...I REALLY worry about you Naruto." Iruka sighed.

"Oh, don't be like that Iruka-sensei. I'll be fine." Iruka frowned however. "Naruto, you tried to blow up the hokage monument today. You could have hurt a lot of people, just for something as stupid as that. Thats why I worry about you. Sometimes...you just don't think." Naruto gave Iruka hurt look. "Oh comeon, you don't HONESTLY think I'd go through with it, did you Iruka-sensei?"

"Yes."

"Then you know me a little TOO well." Naruto chuckled, biting down on a piece of steak.

"Why would you even concieve something like this Naruto. I remember a time when you would shout and scream about being hokage left and right. Now your trying to blow up the hokage monument, your constantly skipping class, and to top it off I've confiscated enough explosives off you to blow a hole in a mountain! I worry about you, because Naruto, your heading down a dangerous path." Iruka finished with a large sigh, needing air.

Naruto however gave him a look. Hard to discern which one, as his goggles were currently on his nose. "What do you mean Iruka-sensei? I still want to be hokage, more then anything in the world!." "Yes, I know Naruto, but your going about it completely wrong! If you want to be a good shinobi, pay attention in school, and stop these insane escapades of yours!" Iruka finished firmly.

The blonde boy accross from him just glared. "You lecture me every day Iruka-sensei, lecturing me now won't change my mind. I live my life, how I want to. And in my life, I want to be hokage, how I want. It might seem selfish, but thats how I roll. Thank you for the meal, Iruka-sensei." Naruto stood up huftly, turning to leave.

"H-hey wait! Naruto, get back here!" The boy however vanished in an instant, disappearing onto the roof-tops. Iruka looked up at them, a look of concern adorning his face. "Good luck in the test...Naruto..."

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

To say Naruto was in a sour mood the next day was an understatment.

Walking down the street, he searched for some way to elavate his tension, though none of his normal methods fit his fancy. Burning things, blowing crap up, playing pranks, the usual just didn't fit his mood. Not to mention his stash of highly combustible materials was now severly depleted, thanks to the teacher currently infuriating his mind.

The nerve of that guy! Always preaching about this and that, like he was five or something! Sure, it was...technically...his job, but still, he'd put up with him and his constant nagging all day at school, and Iruka expected him to listen to it in his free time?

Heck ya he did!

Well, screw that. Naruto knew what he liked, he knew what he wanted, and he knew how he wanted to get there. All he needed to do was get past this little obstacle, and he'd be set...

Stupid test.

Walking up the stairs that led to the classroom, Naruto swished the door open with a bang, drawing looks from several other classmates, whom he returned with great ferver. Taking a seat, Naruto waited as patiently as someone with his attention span could. Not very long. He soon found himself entertaining the idea of setting off a cherry bomb or two in someones desk. He unfortunately never got the chance, as Iruka walked in moments later.

"Good morning everyone. I am happy to announce that some of you today will take a hallmark test, the test that will mark you as ninja, setting the stage for your future careers. I will not lie, some of you will not pass-" At that point, Naruto tuned him out, closing his eyes behind his goggles in favor of sleeping.

He was rudely interrupted however, as a piece of chalk rebounded off his head. "Naruto, this is important, so pay attention!" Iruka scolded, Naruto rubbed the spot he'd been hit, frowning. "Alright, alright, you didn't have to throw it so hard!" Naruto shouted back, some of the girls in the class chuckling at his expense.

"As I was saying before Naruto decided to nod off, you will each be taken into to the roof single file, where a group of panelists will decide on one of three techniques: bunshin, kawairimi, or henge. You must either do the technique with adequete skill. The option of doing a technique of greater difficulty has been revoked for this year, so no one does something dangerous like last time." Naruto remembered that, the school had caught fire that time, he hadn't had to attend for a week! It'd been awesome!

The memory made him smile, something that a few of the students noticed. They promptly nudged away from him. Iruka however didn't notice, continuing along on his speech unfazed by the maverick look on Naruto's face. "Now, alphabeticly you will be called up to recieve your hiate, so if-"

over the next hour they were called up, one at a time to recieve their test. With each passing minute a student would leave and return. Naruto alarmingly noticed that everyone was passing. Every person, even some of the, lets call it "Skill-lacking" students had passed, bronzingly showing their hiate's to other students, claiming the test to be simple.

Naruto however didn't seem relieved. On the contrary, now he was wary. If every student passed, and he somehow managed to fail, then he would be the only one. He could only imagine the scorn the other students would heap on if he didn't pass, the only failure. They'd probably chant something along the lines of how all the adults were right, he was a total failure at everything...

Naruto restrained the urge to break his desk in half with his fist at the thought. He would pass, come hell or high heaven.

"Uzumaki Naruto!" An instructor called from the front of the room. Naruto stood up, a tight knot in his stomach, before he marched to the front. Before stepping out the door, he took one last look at the class, now practicly filled with students who had passed, eagerly bragging with eachother how they were going to become powerful ninja, before he left with a snap of the door.

A brief walk up a flight of stairs, he was led to a large, open room, a long table where three instructors, one of which was Iruka himself, were situated. "Ohyaho, Iruka-sensei!" Naruto greeted, though Iruka pointedly ignored the greetinig, ruffling his papers, before fixing Naruto with a serious look.

"Naruto...preform **bunshin no jutsu**." Naruto's heart almost stopped. If their was a technique in the universe he couldn't possibly complete, it was the bunshin. No reason in particular, he just couldn't complete it, and with sickening realization, his instructors probably knew this. Dammit.

Grinding his teeth, Naruto opted to stick it through. Who knows, kami kinda owed him one.

Sort of...

Centering his chakra, Naruto drew his hands into the appropriate seal, and began the process of molding his chakra, bending it together and around, generating a non-corporeal image of himself, as the technique required. With his previous sense of near hoplessness, Naruto felt an eruption of gidy delight, maybe he was right, and kami was finally cutting him some slack!

He really...had to stop jinxing himself.

It was with sickening realization that Naruto realized he was wrong. The chakra, near molding perfection, suddenly exploded outwards, warping his image, just as it neared completion. Helplessly, Naruto generated his clones.

Or what would have been two clones, had Naruto preformed the technique correctly. Instead, he found himself with two very animated, very _dead_ clones of himself, laying on the ground, eyes boggled out, with no color in them. Naruto turned to the judges, who gave him unamused looks. "Ta-daaa?" Naruto said, embarassed and sicking into depression.

"Naruto..." Iruka said, sounding disappointed. "You fail."

Its hard to believe that three words could crush an entire human soul. You'd think a soul was made of stronger stuff, but evidently it wasn't. Considering the shattering sensation deep inside Naruto's chest, followed by an empty patter of hundreds of fragments.

"Now hold on Iruka, he did infact create two clones, albeit shoddy ones. Shouldn't we, I don't know, pass him?" Mizuki, a bit of an jerk in Naruto's opinion said. Naruto made note to move his status up a little, somewhere between 'Iruka's replacement' and 'guy who I will buy ramen for...if only once.'

And again, Iruka rained all over his parade. "No Mizuki, the test required at least passable clones, Naruto's aren't the level needed for a passing grade. Naruto, I am sorry-"

"Whatever. Who needs this freakin' academy anyways!" Naruto shouted, infuriated by this, taking Iruka back. "Fine, fine, I get it, I fail, just like everybody thought I would! You know what, I'm happy! I'm extatic! Now, I no longer have to put up with you (Look away children, he's swearing!) ASSHOLES anymore!" Walking out the door with a slam, Naruto flipped them the bird, and left in a fury.

Iruka sat their dumbly, looking at the slightly cracked door frame...

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

There were two emotions that currently dominated his mindscape.

Betrayel.

Hatred.

Hard to believe a boy of only twelve could hate as much as Naruto could. Some might also find it surprising to learn some other facts about him. Currently, Naruto entertained the idea of burning the school down. With a flamethrower. Oh yes, a flamethrower.

Good times...

He however couldn't bring himself to do it. He was just...to upset. This was his dream, his only want in the world, and he he had to watch it slowly swish around the perverbial toilet that was Iruka's grade. That guy...

All those times he'd been on Naruto's butt, and the one time Naruto needed a passing grade, the one time he wished his teacher would let a screw-up slide, and the guy fails him. He fails his dream, his hope, and pretty much years of planning since Naruto had lived in the orphanage. Yeah, Iruka really and truly was a friend.

The view he currently sat infront of didn't exactly help his mood. The academy had ended, with dozens of children spilling out of the front hall, into the waiting arms of caring parents who would shelter and protect them, something Naruto both hated and envied. Their they were, the new batch of ninja, boys and girls of twelve or so, who'd completed a task he couldn't.

The urge to burn down the school came back, and Naruto nearly stood up to fufill his plans, had he not been interrupted by a voice behind the tree. "You know, you really shouldn't hate Iruka. He was just doing his job." From behind it, Mizuki's familiar head poked out, silver hair at neck length, covered by a bandana.

"Yeah. Still gonna hate him though." Naruto scoffed, swinging a little. Mizuki grew a concerned look. "Look, normally I don't suggest this, but you do seem like a promising ninja. There is a...second way to pass the exam." Naruto's ears pearked up, his full attention on Mizuki.

"Go on..." Naruto asked, only slightly apprehensive. Mizuki continued "Well, the second way to pass the exam is more difficult. In the Hokage's building, there is a room filled with scrolls. Find the one that says forbidden, and get the scroll outside of the village without being caught. Complete this, and you have an automatic pass to genin level." Naruto smirked a little evilly.

"Thats it? Sheesh, I sneak in there all the time! Where do I bring the scroll exactly?" Mizuki frowned. "Don't worry about that, I'll find you. Just bring it outside the village, and I'll do the rest." Naruto smiled "Domo-arigatou sensei." Bowing, Naruto took off, leaving a wickedly smirking Mizuki.

Naruto didn't need to see his face to know the bastard was lying. Running at half speed, he grew a frown. _'The hell is that guy trying to pull? Sending me into the Hokage's building to acquire a scoll? Who's he trying to fool, I'm no idiot, he's up to something.'_

_'Still though, I don't know what yet. I suppose I can play possum, and go along with it, just to see what the assholes up to.' _Affirming himself, Naruto prepared to do one of the most suicidal things he'd ever done to date. Including that brief period he experimented with napalm.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Chaos was the best way to describe the streets of Konoha at late dusk. Ninja ricocheted accross rooftops, peering and looking around every possible corner, trying desperately to find one Uzumaki Naruto, who as of late had become Konoha's number one fugitive. Among these ninja was one Umino Iruka, who searched desperately for the blonde, feeling that part of this was his fault.

Ducking behind an ally, Iruka rebounded up to a roof-top, scanning the village. To think, Naruto of all people, would do something like this, stealing something as important as the forbidden scroll. How had he even known about it, only Chuunin level ninja and higher knew of its existence! This was a conundrum that didn't make sense.

But facts were facts. Unless Naruto was found soon, he was going to be listed as a missing nin, one that Iruka had a sinking feeling wouldn't last long. _'Why, why didn't I pass him?! He did make clones, if bad ones! This could have been all avoided if I'd just let this one slide!' _Iruka knew better though. If Naruto has been passed, he would have never survived in the field with his skills. Iruka wouldn't send someone to die, especially not someone like Naruto.

Steeling himself, he shot off, intent on finding the boy.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Skimming the scrolls contents, Naruto studied the words carefully.

Mizuki had said to acquire the scroll and bring it outside the village to him. Naruto had completed this; quite well if he could say so himself. That was over an hours ago. Currently, he was bored enough to begin looking through the scroll and finding out what was in it. Mizuki hadn't said it was not allowed to do so, right?

Frankly, Naruto doubted this was a test, but even in the off chance it was, he had passed. If it was some evil ploy or something, He could just blame Mizuki in the end, and the guy would take all the blame. Either way, Naruto was fine.

Stopping on the first jutsu, his face grew to a grim frown. "Kage bunshin...the first one in the freakin' thing, and its a clone technique. Screw that, I blew enough time as it is on trying to learn that move..." Ignoring it, he went on through the scroll, though a few minutes later, he was beginning to think there wasn't a jutsu in their for him.

"To many handseals...not fiery enough...THAT'S DISGUSTING!!!!...I'll think about it..." Naruto unconciously mumbled to himself as he continued to skim, stopping once on a particularily nasty jutsu to exclaim how horrifying it was. Seriously, even HE wouldn't have wished that on his worst enemy...

He stopped however, when he came accross something that caught his eye.

"Eh? This...THIS IS PERFECT!" If someone had been present they would have sworn they saw lightning and thunder crash in the distance, as Naruto cackled to himself maniacly.

"Oh yes, who the hell needs bunshin jutsu when you have this..." Naruto chuckled darkly to himself as he continued reading.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Several hours later, the blonde wonder lay on his back, sweaty, tired, and grinning like a maniac.

It had taken work, a hell of a lotta work, but he had done it. He'd completed the technique. The smoking crater a few yards away, a metre in diametre, attested to this.

This day was starting to go alright for him. Sure, he'd failed the test, and it was possible this one was a fake to, but he had acquired a skills he could use in his day to day life effectively.

Things were beginning to look up for him...

And that's where everything went straight to hell.

In the form of a familiar scarred chuunin materializing in the clearing looking almost as exhausted and sweaty as he did. "I-Iruka-sensei?" Naruto asked in between gasps, sitting up wearily to acknowledge the chuunin. _'Guess Mizuki couldn't make it or something...' _Iruka however wore a stern look, and briskly walked over to where the blonde lay.

"Naruto, do you have even the slightest idea how much trouble your in?" Naruto raised an eyebrow at this. _'So, Mizuki DID set me up huh? Figures...' _Naruto opted to play dumb however. "Trouble? Why? I completed the test didn't I Iruka-sensei?" Iruka took a step back in surprise.

"Test? Naruto, what test?" Naruto frowned, though on the inside he was evaluating what he was going to do to the chuunin who was probably responsible for his predicament. "Mizuki-sensei said that if I stole the scroll, I'd pass on to be a genin automaticly, which is what I did. I pass, right? I mean, I did get the scroll." Iruka's surprised look grew strained and confused.

"Mizuki set you up to this?" Iruka had a moment to digest this before a buffering wind, and a large object shot past his shoulder, flying towards the blonde boy. On instinct, he lept infront of the boy, his vision exploded in pain as a massive shuriken imbedded itself into his middle-back.

"Their you are Naruto. You got the scroll well enough, as I can see." Naruto shakily looked over Iruka's shoulder at the familiar visage of Mizuki, whom perched in a tree with a second fuuma-shuriken on his back. "Quick, give me the scroll, and you'll pass the exam." Iruka shakily reached behind him, and removed the shuriken as he turned to meet the stare of Mizuki.

"Just what are you planning, traitor?" Iruka growled, brandishing the shuriken threateningly. Mizuki however, seemed unaffected, and leapt to the clearing infront of them. "Planning? Traitor? Why whatever do you mean? I'm simply here to let a young genin achieve his dreams. All he needs to do is pass me the scroll, and he'll pass the test. Do it, Naruto." Mizuki turned to the boy, who grasped the scroll at his side.

"W-wait a minute, hold up. One of you is lying, I'm not giving either of you the scroll until I know who!" Mizuki and Iruka both grew pained expressions, glancing at one another. "Naruto, he's lying to you, he's just used you as a pawn to get that scroll, and he's going to kill you the moment he has it. Give it here, and I can get you and it out of here." Iruka pleaded, although Mizuki cut in.

"Naruto, he's lying. Give the scroll to me and you'll pass the exam. He's just trying to make the test harder for you, to make sure your a good enough genin!" Iruka growled, and almost let fly the shuriken. He didn't however. "That's a lie Mizuki! Give me the scroll Naruto, he's lying to you!"

"Whose he going to believe, the guy who wanted to pass him, or the guy who wanted him to fail?" Mizuki cut in, and Iruka flinched a little at that comment. Naruto however drew their attention. "Okay! That's it, I've decided! The person who gets the scroll is..."

Unceramoniously, Naruto passed the scroll to...

Mizuki, who promptly turned and leapt away, screaming after him "THANKS FOR THE SCROLL BASTARDS!"

Iruka stood their, numb, before panic took hold of him. Channeling a vast amount of chakra to his legs, he prepared to vanish in a burst of speed, when a hand gripping the back of his jacket stopped him from halting Mizuki's escape. Turning, he was astonished to find Naruto was the one stopping his escape. He opened his mouth wide to tell the boy to let his surprisingly strong hand let go of his jacket, when Naruto raised his hand.

Three fingers were drawn up.

One lowered, becoming two.

Then there was one.

**"KABOOOOOOOOOM!" **The forest shook violently as a towering explosion rocked the ground. Naruto didn't waste a moment however, before he took off, leaving a dumb-struck Iruka behind. Iruka shook his head violently before he took off after the blonde, intent on knowing what the explosion was.

He got his answer.

Mizuki lay a short distance away from a massive crator, badly singed and looking positively scathing with anger. Unable to stand, he opted to stare hatedly at the blonde. "You little BASTARD! WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Naruto smiled wickedly, a chilling look on someone so young, in Naruto's opinion.

"You really shouldn't have left me alone with that scroll for so long. It gives you plenty of time to rifle through it, and perhaps find a technique that lets you, oh, I don't know, learn a transformation skill twenty times more powerful then any henge. I happened to find a move, called 'shinshei umarekawari'. Which, in a nutshell, allows you to convert your chakra into objects, and modify them on a molecular scale."

Iruka stared at Naruto, flabbergasted at the sheer idea that Naruto could learn such a skill, while Mizuki scoffed. "That doesn't explain why the scroll exploded." Iruka's stomach shrank, before he bellowed horrified "The scroll exploded?! Naruto, do you have any idea how important that scroll was?!" Naruto however ignored Iruka.

"Simple, you lying-bastard. I modified the molecular structure of a log to mimic the look of the scroll. Then, I timed my chakra to destabilize the molecules, making it explode when I wanted it to. Apparrently the technique lets me do that..." Mizuki growled, realizing he'd been had, and would have the scars to prove it. "Now what you little prick, gonna drag me into ANBU for interrogation?"

Naruto's eyes gained a wicked gleam to them. "Nope, I'm going to insinerate you." From Naruto's palms two large balls of fire erupted, casing a sinister light to the boy. One that unnerved Iruka.

"N-Naruto, what are you saying?! This isn't you. K-killing Mizuki isn't the way to solve anything." Naruto gave him a side-long glance, before looking back. "I don't care. He led me along, and was probably going to kill me the moment he found me. Thats why I learned the technique in the first place. Now I'm going to use the only other technique I know to burn him alive." Naruto raised his hands, prepared to set the chuunin ablaze.

Mizuki's life briefly flashed before his eyes. He realized he was an asshole.

Iruka however intervened, this time successfully. "B-but if you do that, I'm afraid you'll fail the test!" Naruto paused, eyes wide behind his goggles, before turning to the chuunin to his right. "Test? I thought their was no test." Iruka grinned sheepishly, patting himself on the back for subduing the pre-teen.

"Y-yes, but you have displayed many genin qualities to me today, and I suppose that you deserve a reward for capturing Mizuki! If you killed him, you'd instantly fail!" Naruto frowned, his fireballs dimming to small embers in his hands. "Okay, so, if I don't kill him...I get to be a genin?" Iruka nodded.

"Yes."

"Okay, guess its his lucky day then." Naruto's face 180'd emotionally, becoming happy, and grinning widely. Iruka sighed, though he winced as the pain of his wound came back to haunt him. "Alright, grab Mizuki, and we can go." Pulling ninja wire out, Naruto set to tying up the renegade chuunin, who was fairly comatose, probably passed out in fear.

As the two walked back, Mizuki in tow, Naruto turned to his teacher. "Hey-hey, Iruka-sensei, if I'm a genin, doesn't that mean that, I don't know, I get to have a free dinner on you?" Iruka frowned, before grinning. Yeah, I guess so. Although I didn't appreciate you leaving me in the dark about what Mizuki was up to. So for that, you only get one serving of ramen." Naruto groaned loudly.

"Hey-hey, let me finish. You only get one serving, if you don't tell me more about those two techniques you used." Naruto frowned, before sighing. "Fine, you jerk. Your lucky I'm in the mood for ramen. The names of the techniques I used were shinshei umarekawari and-"

By the end of the conversation, Iruka's head hurt.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Yes, I have had yet another one of my 'Must write new story' moments. Sue me.**

**Shinshei umarekawari is a take on Naruto's tranfomation abilities. In the show, he sucked at clones, so I thought it didn't make much sense to pick the first clone jutsu he saw in the scroll, although this turns out to be a major plot piece. I figured I'd diverge a little on that, and give him a 'super' transformation skill, which relies mostly on moleculare manipulation.**

**How he can use such a wicked technique will be explained later. If and when I decide to update.**

**Naruto's fire-powers will also be another move you'll see a lot. In this story, Naruto likes fire, if you haven't noticed.**

**I would not expect an update soon for this. If its popular enough, and I get enough reviews, we'll see, but in the meantime, probably not any updates for quite some time.**

**REVIEW! OR NO QUICK UPDATES! RANDOM THREATS AND WHATNOT! **


	2. Chapter 2: Hi Sensei!

**It has become aparrent that I may never update my other works, if I keep writing other stuff.**

**My apologies to everyone, but I'm just not quite at the place where I can update Cutting Strings or Jashin, not yet anyways. I will update, that is for sure, its just going to take an insanely long time, provided I am not struck by the magical thought geneie Barcumberlyanne.**

**So, until then, I have granted you all with an update to Pyro. Uzu. to sate the unholy spawn that is my fan-base (thats you, if your wondering).**

**So, FEED, FEED MY FAN-BASE, FEED UPON MY ARTISTICAL ARTISTRY THAT IS MY ART, THAT IF YOU GET DOWN TO IT ISN'T REALLY MINE, BUT THE BELONGING OF SHONEN JUMP AND MASASHI KISHIMOTO!**

**WOOT! Wait...that's not right...READ!**

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"-fire goes on-"

*_snap*_

"-fire goes off-"

_*snap* _

"-fire goes on-"

_*snap* _

"-fire goes off..."

To say that Naruto was bored was an understatement, not that him being bored was anything new. He was currently entertaining the idea of burning the school down, leaning left and right on the matter internally.

Though most thought he was simply playing with matches as usual, thus he didn't rouse any suspicion. Naruto did however gather several dirty and confused look as to why he was there. Particularly Kiba, who was among the students the least likely to withhold his opinion verbally.

"Oi, Naruto!" He called from the isle behind the blonde, drawing an annoyed look.

"What dog-breath, can't you see I'm busy?" Naruto snapped his fingers, turning the fire out.

"Hey! Who you callin' dog-breath, you frickin' pyro?!" Kiba stood up on his desk; drawing looks from some of the other students.

"I'm callin' the guy who keeps distracting me from important work 'dog-breath', that's who!" Naruto was starting to get agitated. He just might entertain the idea of turning the paper clip he had in his pocket into a bomb.

"That's it, you wanna go?!" Kiba took a feral stance, Akamaru taking stance on the top of his head.

"Sorry, I'm not going out with you no matter how many times you ask dog-breath."

Kiba twitched, before growling. "Oh, that's it you sonova-" he was cut off by a sudden stampede in the hallway however.

"GET OUTTA MY WAY YOU PIG!" From the shout, Naruto immediately deduced who the perpetrators of the miniature earthquake were.

Haruno Sakura and Yamanaka Ino, thin, flat and pissed as hell, burst through the doorway, or tried to, as they had somehow managed to jar themselves in the door way. Which elicited more swearing and death threats.

Normally, Naruto was all for a catfight, but it was just ridiculous between the two. "HE'S MINE YOU...YOU...YOU HAVE A BIG FORHEAD!" A snarl of outrage rebottled Sakura's prior screech. Naruto rolled his eyes behind his goggles as he tried to tune them out. He failed miserably, on account of Sakura and Ino simultaneously squeezing past the doorway, and flying across the room towards their fan-boy. Key word is tried.

As the current occupant of the seat beside Konoha's ice-king was Naruto surprisingly. While Sasuke was an icy prick in Naruto's opinion, he did something that made up for it. He didn't talk. End of story.

The sudden muddle of eligible screeching (Something along the lines of "GET OUTTA THAT CHAIR!") Naruto slowly turned to face the band of harpies that was attacking him. "I was sitting here first. Screw off." And turned back to his work. I.E snapping his fingers.

This of course did not bode well with Sakura, and as far as Naruto cared, blonde Sakura (Ino).

"I said get outta that chair Naruto..." Threateningly, both cracked their knuckles, an air of menace springing up around them. Some could have sworn fire sprang up behind them, adding to the effect. Surprisingly, they were right. The fire was quite real, although what onlookers DIDN'T realize was the fire was not for dramatic effect, but was there by the will of a certain blonde, for the purpose of incinerating the two before him. He would have succeeded, not for the timely interruption of Iruka.

"Ah, good morning everyone, I'm here to-Naruto, put that fire out immediately!" Iruka pointed at the fire in a sudden panic. Sakura and Ino raised their eyebrows, turning around quickly moments after the embers disappeared.

"Fire? I have no idea what your talking about sensei." Naruto spoke innocently, twiddling his thumbs.

"Y-yes, well...any ways, fire aside, I would like to congratulate all of you on finishing your training-" At which point Naruto began the 'replace the words' game. This game involved turning everything Iruka said into "Blah blah-blah-blah, blah-blah etc." The only downside to this was the fact that what Iruka was talking about was completely lost to him.

Which would have helped him avoid the chalk piece ricocheting off his forehead. "Naruto, for the last time, pay attention!" Naruto rubbed the spot on his forehead angrily, sending a death-glare to his soon to be ex-sensei.

"Now that you all are entering the world of ninja, you will all face many perils. It's possible some of you may not make it; this is part of the ninja lifestyle. However, its not your duty as a ninja to worry about death, it is your duty to become shinobi for your village." Some classmates had a slightly sick look on their faces at the thought of dying. Most did not however.

"Yes, death is possible. However, you will not be alone in your learning's of the way of a ninja. You will all be paired into teams, under which you will operate with a jounin sensei. He or she will teach you everything you need to know about being genin. So, this will be my farewell to you all as you pave your way to becoming ninja." Iruka held up a clipboard.

"I will begin reading the teams. Once assigned a team, I advise you learn to work well with them. Team 1..."

And so began the filing of the teams. Naruto however was only slightly paying attention now. For several minutes no noteworthy person was called into team, until a 'seven' caught his ears. "Team Seven: Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura-"

"HELL YA! TAKE THAT YOU BITCHES!" Sakura shouted towards essentially every girl in the classroom, gesturing wildly and rudely. "-and Uzumaki Naruto."

Dead...silence...

"I'm sorry, I believe that's a typo Iruka-sensei. This has to be a mistake. Maybe they mispronounced Haruko Uzutachi or something?" Naruto said rigidly.

Iruka shook his head however. "I was personally given this by the Hokage. A man like that doesn't make typos Naruto."

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Meanwhile, Sarutobi was relaxing, practicing his calligraphy. As of now he was in the process of writing a large kanji for fire.

Suddenly, an ear-piercing shriek of "OH DEAR GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Broke his concentration, causing him to drag a large swath of paint across the canvas, ruining it with his large typo.

"Dammit, why the hell a ninja village is so damn loud I'll never know." Sarutobi signed, taking a large drag of tobacco. Or at least what everybody THOUGHT was tobacco...

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

And thus Naruto found himself in a state of clinical depression the likes of which a weaker man would have never returned from.

Teams were read off quickly, eight to twelve going past hastily. Hinata gave an exasperated sigh at the thought of not being on a team with her crush at this point. To some, Naruto's near insanity was downright disturbing, but she didn't really mind it all that much. Not to mention unlike all the other girls in her class, she had seen him without his shirt on.

She had to wipe a bit off drool off her mouth discreetly at that thought.

At the head of the class, said person being drooled while remained in the fetal position, trying not to think too much about killing himself. He was finding it hard. Sakura on the other hand was having a nervous breakdown. On the one hand, she was on the same team as the one person in th ce entire class she wanted to be. On the other, she would have to put up with Captain BurnEverything. It was...vexing.

Sasuke...was Sasuke.

"Attention class. The jounin's have arrived to see all of you and begin your overview and training set-up. Please wait in here until you are called." Iruka said while flipping a page in his notebook. "Would team nine, eight and two please step outside?"

Five minutes later "Would teams twelve, ten and four please step outside?"

Another five minutes "Teams one, three, five, six please step outside now."

"Would team seven please wait a moment while we figure out where your jounin is."

"Would team seven please wait while we dispatch a team to find your sensei."

"Would team seven please wait here while I go for lunch."

An hour after Iruka left, team seven was fairly agitated. Or in Naruto's case, even MORE agitated. "GOD DAMMIT, WHERE IS HE!" Naruto had thankfully overcome his depression before coming to the conclusion that there were probably worse people could be paired with. Probably...

"That's it, they've made us wait for so long, time for a little fun." Sakura got up, grabbed a chalk-brush, and a chair. Moving to the sliding door just right, she positioned the brush at its top at a precarious angle, such that if one were to open the door, the brush would fall on their head. A juvenile prank.

Just as Sakura placed her chair back however, the door slid open, revealing a mop of silvery hair accompanied by a large blue fabric mask. With a lightning fast wave of his hand, he caught the offending brush before it came even close to touching the large spiky mess. "Ah, you must be team seven. My first impression is...you suck." Sakura's face turned red with anger at her prank being spoiled. Naruto just shrugged.

And Sasuke...was Sasuke.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

On top of the school roof, they actually got a good look at the man named Hatake Kakashi (Which Iruka had managed to neglect).

Aside from the large blue facemask and floppy silver hair, he wore his leaf-headband to an angle, covering his left eye. The standard jounin outfit of: 1 blue jumpsuit, 1 green flak-jacket, 2 gloves with metal plates, and a pair of ninja sandals accompanied with matching bandages; made up his attire, its plainness masking his true abilities.

"So...yeah. If your curious, I have an explanation as to why I'm late. But I'm to lazy to tell it to you, so I'd much rather skip to the part where we talk about ourselves." Kakashi drawled, his single eye swiveling across the three of them. "First you pinky." Sakura clearly didn't like this however, as she grew red again. While Naruto didn't approve of the mans sense of punctuality, he certainly admired his choice of names.

"M-my name is Haruno Sakura. I want to be a good ninja of the leaf, and for my dreams and hopes for the future-" She suddenly turned around and leapt on top of Sasuke, only to have him turn into a log, a-la Kawairimi.

"Wow Sasuke, how'd you know she was going to try to tackle you?" Naruto addressed Sasuke, who knelt on the cement platform behind the benches they sat on.

"When you have fan-girls as long as I have, you get a sixth sense about these kinda things." Sasuke sighed.

"Yes, I'll admit I too suffered under the tiresome battle of having a fan-club. Why I took to wearing a mask actually." Kakashi nodded sagely. Naruto just quirked an eyebrow, wondering if the jounin was lying or not.

"Okay, well that wraps up pinky. Duck-head, go."

Sasuke, who had sat down now, twitched at the cheap shot directed towards his 'hair-style'. "Right...I'm Uchiha Sasuke, I don't really like anything...and as for goals...I have someone I want to kill very badly." At the last part, Sasuke's eyes slightly brightened, an almost red pigment becoming them. Kakashi raised an eyebrow, though he didn't say anything.

Naruto on the other hand- "Only one person? I keep a list so I don't forget their names. Makes it easier when I exact unholy revenge upon them." Naruto waved a surprisingly large scroll in front of Sasuke's face. Said Uchiha did not seem amused.

"Alright, and finally its your turn...you...I can't pick a nickname." Kakashi shiftily looked away, although he indicated with his index finger.

"Me? Why I'm Uzumaki Naruto! The king of flame! The master of embers! The great shinobi of the land of fire, sent from the very heavens to incinerate those who would oppose me on my divine path of righteous justice!" Naruto struck a figurative pose against the setting sun. It was truly poetic.

"Really?" Kakashi asked only half interested.

"Well, no. I do like to burn things...and I like ramen I guess. As for things I wanna do, I'm kinda leaning towards maybe becoming the Hokage. Or a noodle vendor, I don't know. I'll see how this shinobi thing pans out first." Everyone present sweat-dropped at the frantic change of mood.

"I see..." Kakashi trailed off.

Sasuke and Sakura just gave Naruto an odd look while he sat down.

"Well, from my assessment of your personalities and skills I've seen thus far, I have determined..." Kakashi trailed off "-that this team is doomed to fail." Sakura and Sasuke blanched while Naruto's mouth became a downward curve.

"B-b-but sensei, you can't fail us just on what we talked about!" Sakura stood up, waving her arms wildly.

"Yes I can. You all did something only an amateur ninja would do, you gave up valuable information about yourselves without even thinking for a moment what the repercussions of such a thing might be. If I was an enemy ninja in disguise, you all would have just given me information that in the future could be used against you." The three of them gave Kakashi a scandalized look, Sakura the most.

"Sensei, that's a load of crap and you know it. If I can't talk comfortably with my teacher in the very center of the strongest ninja village on the continent, then I should just go kill myself." Naruto drawled, waving his hand.

Kakashi on the other hand sweat dropped. _'Damn, I was hoping that this team was another group of sheep like the others. But then again, I was bound to get at least one person who doesn't take my antics.'_

"While that may be true Naruto, that is beside the point. You all failed my test, so you're all just out of luck."

Naruto's scowl was almost as deep as Sasuke's. "Alright, tell you what sensei. Since you made us wait so long, and then made us take this crappy test, I say you give us a do over. If we pass the test, we have you as a teacher. And if we fail, then we go back to the academy."

"Oi, Naruto, speak for yourself." Sakura growled at the boy, not liking how he was seemingly taking charge.

"Actually, I like the idea." Sasuke said under his breath, just loud enough to be heard.

"You heard him sensei! We demand a recount!" Sakura sang with hearts in her eyes, waving flags with the kanji's for recount on them.

"...fine, whatever. God, this is going to be more painful then that time I got caught in that public library reading Icha Icha. How was I supposed to know I had wandered into the children's section, I was too amerced in my book to be held accountable after all..." Kakashi noticed the awkward silence that had descended on the other three.

"Icha-Icha?" Sakura asked, raising an eyebrow.

Kakashi coughed awkwardly. "Um, yes, well, never mind that. I suppose this test will be a fine way to show you three just how much you don't know about the shinobi world. Meet me tomorrow in training ground seven, at six o'clock sharp-" Kakashi stood up to leave.

"-and don't eat. You'll throw up." And he was gone in a flash.

"I'm outta here." Sasuke stood up, before turning to leave. Sakura was hot on his tails, screeching something about following him to the ends of the earth.

Naruto...was Naruto.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Good morning my possible students! Ready for a lesson in the world of shinobi!"

"Shut...the hell...up"

Kakashi gave a blank look at the team before him, all three looking agitated and a little bit past hungry.

"Oh, you guys didn't actually eat? That's surprising, hardly anyone falls for that stupid trick." Kakashi said chuckling a little as the glares directed towards him turned a whole different shade of murderous.

"Shut...the hell...up." Naruto said exasperatedly, clutching his groaning stomach.

"Oh come on now you three, its not that late in the day." Kakashi said dismissively.

"ITS ELEVEN O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!" This time Sakura cut in. "YOU ARE INCONCIEVABLY LATE! WHAT COULD POSSIBLY KEEP A JOUNIN FROM REACHING HERE SO LONG!" Sakura's face was red and lined with numerous angered veins. Which just added to her overall complexion of cuteness.

There is absolutely no sarcasm in that last statement. Seriously.

"Well, to answer your question, porn mostly. Although I did stop to walk an old woman across the street." Kakashi nodded.

If anything Sakura looked more offended. "SHANNARO!" She whirled around and tried to clock Naruto in the head. Only to have him burst into smoke a moment later. "Nani?" The three ninja present raised surprised faces at the spot where he once stood.

"Oh, whats everyone looking at?" The familiar voice of Naruto carried over to them, the team minus a blonde turned to see another blue-eyed pyro, this one looking well fed.

"Naruto...what...who...where were you and what did you replace yourself with?" Sakura asked, although Sasuke and Kakashi were just as curious.

"Hm? Oh, I replaced myself with a clone, on account of I was tired of waiting for senior 'Takesahellovatime' and went to the nearest food stand. Got some dango and barbecue pork. Was delicious."

Kakashi's single eye twitched at the thought of being tricked by a genin. _'The fact that this happened...must NEVER leave this training ground.'_

"Okay, now that we're all here the test can begin. Now, I'm going to say this as minimally as possible on account of my laziness. So pay attention."

Kakashi held up two bells. "Me. Bells. Have two. You take. Failure if you don't. Test ends when clock goes off." Kakashi placed an alarm clock on top of a log. "Get it?" The three of them looked left and right at each other, before shaking thier heads. "Good! The test begins-"

"NOW!"

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

***KABOOOM!***

***KABAAAAAAM!***

***KAZOOOWIIIIE!***

Kakashi wondered how an explosive made a noise like kazowie. He also wondered how someone of his skill and standards was being pinned down by a twelve-year-old boy. But mostly, he wondered how he had agreed to teach a complete MONSTER like Uzumaki Naruto.

King of flame seemed to fit him well.

Another pillar of fire erupted far to comfortably close to him, singeing the lopsided hairs on his head slightly. Summer-sualting away at breakneck speed, Kakashi was forced again to detour around another explosion, one possibly larger then the previous one, avoiding fire and debris. He nearly cried in happiness when cover presented itself in the form of a smoking crater, diving behind it to assess his enemy.

Naruto sat several yards away, drinking heartily from a bottle of water. Sasuke and Sakura had disappeared into other hiding spots about an hour ago; Naruto had opted to stay out in the open, a normally suicidal tactic that Kakashi had deemed a sign of a very bad ninja. The hour of dodging explosives and the occasional kunai and shuriken had changed his opinion.

The greatest surprise came from the fact Naruto showed little to no wear or tear. A fresh genin who had failed two exams did not, no matter how good, keep a jounin running for an hour, specifically a jounin of Hatake Kakashi's level. Naruto was testing his patience thoroughly. A nagging voice in the back of his head suggested sorting through some of his deadlier techniques, possibly a raikiri would show the arrogant little prick that he was messing with. Kakashi resisted temptation.

For now...

Creating a clone, Kakashi sent it out to its likely doom as a distraction, before running through some handseals.

Naruto was a little surprised how easy this was in all truths. Some fire here, an explosion there, and he had his possible mentor running for cover! The test to get to TAKE this test was harder! The only thing that had Naruto even remotely sweating so far was the sun, and his bottled water was taking care of that nicely.

Not paying attention, Naruto discreetly caught movement out of the corner of his eye and on instinct hurled a bomb in the direction of the person. Kakashi was caught in another pillar of embers and heat, instantly incinerating him.

...

"Well...crap." Naruto frowned. He was now out a sensei, thanks to not paying attention and relying on his instincts. This would be hard to explain to the Hokage. If he was lucky, maybe he could fake it and say it was an accident-

A soft cracking at his feat drew his attention. On his instincts again Naruto somersaulted away, moments before the underground hands of Hatake Kakashi would have gripped him and pulled him under. Landing in a hunch, Naruto eyed his sensei crawl from the soil with a lethargic look on his face.

"It makes it harder to catch you if you jump away Naruto..." Kakashi patted the side of his head, shaking loose some stones.

Naruto just grinned "Says the guy whose been dodging for an hour. I'm getting tired of this crap sensei, if it makes things go faster, I'll stop with the super fire powers and keep things strictly ninja if you'd like." Kakashi raised an eyebrow.

"Alright Naruto, lets end this then." Pulling himself up, Kakashi took a stance.

Naruto smirked. "In keeping with the theme of only going ninja, I think I'll start with my best technique-" Naruto snapped his fingers.

The bottle of water Kakashi stood next to glowed brightly, eliciting surprise from the copy-ninja. Not a second later a massive explosion rocked the forest, a billowing smoke cloud floating above the canopy of the trees.

Sasuke and Sakura, who had remained in a tree and bush respectively slowly inched out of their hiding spots to view the massive smoking crater that both Kakashi and Naruto had been scarily close to a moment ago.

Speaking of Naruto-

A blonde, goggled head pushed past the large collection of dirt and rubble on top of it with a loud moan. With a splitting headache, Naruto tried vainly to remember where he was, coming to the conclusion he was...somewhere. Somewhere that had a large smoking crater and somewhere he didn't really want to be when it hurt this much to be there.

"Ggg-aaaah..." He moaned, before stopping. On account that of all the people who didn't hear this, he was the one who didn't. His memory flooded back to him, the explosion. He had overestimated the potency of the hydrogen in the water bottle. He made a mental note to never mix water and the shinshei technique ever again. He hoped the deafness would pass soon.

Kakashi had luckily kawarimi'ed away from the explosion. Unluckily, in his haste he had underestimated the blast radius and chosen a large piece of rubble to switch with. He had still caught a surprising brunt of the blast. His ears were ringing badly as he tried to stand up, his back singed.

As soon as his...eye... landed on Naruto, Kakashi was in a very bad mood. Moving with the speed of a jounin, he appeared in front of his disoriented pupil and grabbed him by the front of his shirt. "Naruto, what the hell do you think your doing?!"

Long silence.

"What?!"

"I said what the hell do you think your doing?!"

"What?!"

"What the hell are you trying to do you punk?!"

"I don't have a sausage, not the kind your looking for anyways!"

"What?!"

"I said I don't have a sausage!"

"Why are you talking about a lozenge, I'm trying to ask you WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!!!!!?" A calm silence descended on the forest floor.

"What?" Naruto asked, raising an invisible eyebrow. Kakashi growled, before plopping down on the ground, dragging the blonde with him. Naruto gave an indignant look towards the Hatake, but Kakashi was busy scribbling something on the back of a piece of paper.

He handed it to Naruto.

"Oooh! My technique backfired, sorry! The hydrogen in the water is more reactive then most other substances, makes for a bigger boom when you destabilize it! If it's any consolation, I wasn't trying to kill you!"

".... What?!"

Naruto frowned, before writing his statement on the back of the paper.

"Oh!" Kakashi shouted. By then, Sasuke and Sakura had made their way over; the now partially deaf Kakashi probably hadn't noticed them. "Sakura, this is our chance. I'll fake to the right, you take to the left. If we both attack him soundlessly, he'll have no chance to defend. We'll win for sure." Sakura nodded, not at all opposed to attacking someone who was deaf.

They were ninja, what of it?

With lightning quick movements, the two sped towards their target, wholly set upon their target. Naruto noticed them not half a second before they were at the bells, only having the time to raise an eyebrow. _'This is it!' _Sasuke was internally ecstatic _'All I need to get are the bells, and I'm set!'_

Its difficult to say how or when it happened, but suddenly both possible-genin ended up simultaneously on there backs, outstretched arms previously reaching for the bells now caught by the steady hands of Hatake. "You two should know ninja of jounin level are completely soundless. I don't need to hear you to know where you are."

Letting go of their hands, Kakashi sighed. His head was still splitting. "Alright you three, I'm calling a break for now. Anyone who objects will be tied to a post and not allowed to eat. Any objections?"

"..."

"..."

"...WHAT?!"

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

There hearing now returned to them, Naruto raised the critical question.

"So, why exactly am I tied to a post again?"

Kakashi raised an eyebrow as the other two dug into both there lunches. "Well, I could lie and say you objected to take a break, but lets face it. I just don't like you. Especially you."

Naruto remained impassive. "That seems like a flimsy reason to tie me to a post and starve me."

"Shut up Naruto, you actually ate something today, and all you did while fighting is sit there." Sakura growled, before taking a large swig of drink.

"Ah." Naruto responded flatly. Several more seconds of munching noises continued before he raised his voice again.

"How long before you're done?"

"As long as it takes." Kakashi said sagely. None present found the statement that sagely.

"...Which is right now. I'll be back in two, neither of you feed him or I'll tie you to a post..." Kakashi turned around and fixed them with a piercing gaze "...and then draw on you." With that he was gone.

Several seconds of munching later was interrupted by a growl, one only a vicious animal could make. "W...was that your stomach?" Sakura asked post-boy, who responded weakly with a nod. "HOW THE HELL ARE YOU SO HUNGRY?! YOU JUST ATE!"

"But I'm a growing boy! I'm always hungry! Plus, you guys saw me and Kakashi go fight; you know how intense it was! How could I not be completely STARVING after such a battle?"

Sasuke and Sakura gave him a look that clearly said they did not believe him. "Look Naruto, I frankly have no sympathy for you." Sakura turned back to her food, biting down on a piece and turning to look at Sasuke some more.

And nearly had a heart attack.

"W-what are you doing?!"

Sasuke was holding a piece of food up to Naruto, a completely impassive look on his face. "Sakura, don't interrupt the man! You may continue Sasuke." Naruto egged him on, trying to reach the food just barely out of reach with his tongue. Sasuke waited a few moments to answer.

"Frankly I hate to admit it, but...Narutoisstrong." The last part was jumbled together, but the message was understood.

"Did...you just compliment me?" Naruto queried, confused at the statement.

"SHUTUP!" Naruto still looked confused at Sasuke.

"I said you're strong. We need that strength. I hate to rely on others, but if we were to use your explosives with my skill and Sakura's..." Sakura looked on expectantly "...stuff-" her face fell "-we stand a fighting chance. And apparently you need food. I don't eat a lot, you can have some of mine." Sasuke held his food out.

While Sakura was upset at Sasuke's brash statement, she quickly followed. "MMMMM!" Naruto bit down, his scarily large canines giving both teammates an odd feeling of a predator was in front of them.

"What the hell are you doing?" The simple statement did nothing to hide the impending destruction behind it as Naruto looked up, and his posse slowly swiveled around to meet their teacher.

It was doom incarnated. Hell itself frothed forth from the pits of the never-ending torrent; nay did such a sight become themselves, that it was forever burned into the innocent retinas of there offending eyes. NAY such a spectacle was ever seen nor heard, nothing of horror of horrors compared to the wrath set forth upon them for their transgression.

Not the flaming hounds of hell, the mighty Cerberus's grizzly maw, and nay the ocean of fire and the skies of blood and tears-

Not even a **mime **could even compare to the wrath that enclosed one of the world's deadliest ninja. "I'll ask again, what are you doing?"

"I think I just shit my heart out." Naruto mumbled, his others nodding mutely.

"Are you feeding your teammate, after I specifically told you not to?!" The dread that held them only increased. "There is only one thing to do with traitorous genin like yourselves." He inched closer; the sky itself darkened and spewed forth lighting. The hammer was set to fall.

"And that-" They braced themselves.

"Is to let you pass!" The sun broke the clouds, casting a beautiful scene of dew dropped forests with immaculate green foliage, framed by a blue sky and warm welcoming sun.

"Naruto say what now." Said blonde managed to state his sheer confusion his others failing.

"Well, have you ever watched one of those old anime with the crotchety old man who tells his students 'YARYARYAR-don't do this or-blahblahblah' and then the students obviously do the opposite for some stupid reason, and the guys all like 'OMFG-WTF-YOU PASS!'?"

The three shook their head mutely.

"Well, it's the same idea, only replace the old man with a sexy stud-muffin." Underneath his cloth, Kakashi flexed, though you wouldn't know it.

"So, we passed?" Sasuke said weakly.

"Well yeah, essentially because I like old anime."

Sakura fainted.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**And that is probably the most wraped up and idiotic endings ever written.**

**BUT what is written cannot be unwritten. So there.**

**Yes yes, long update, yatta-yatta, I'm not in a talky mood. Random things and all that stuff.**

**Anyways I'll be throwing more drama and things of that like your way. Try not to take this chapter too seriously, I've simply done this same situation so many freaking times I've gotten a little sick of it (Cutting strings and....that other...wait), anyways. Its done, I actually have some action to work with, good times.**

**  
NEXT TIME: THE TEAM IS TIRED OF BEING USED FOR CHILD LABOUR! NEXT STOP, THE LAND OF WAVES! :D**

**Review, or face the wrath of SADFACE!**

**: (**


	3. CHAPTER 3: IWANTSOMEPOUNDCAKE

**Okay, its time for some burny-burny goodness.**

**I'm glad that this story is so well recieved, and I'm sorry that its taken so long to update it. Next on the list is Docile, followed by the Cutting Strings updates, and maybe a Jashin in between.**

**I seem to have forgotten how to have fun while writing.**

**Let's change that, huh?**

**LOADING RANDOMNESS: 100%**

**ORIGINAL SETTING: 0%**

**Yep, that seems about right.**

**READ!**

* * *

"There should be a law against this," The iconic figure of our story noted, cracking his neck before pulling another weed out of the garden by its stem.

"You're probably right Naruto. Thank god you signed those wavers when you all became ninja, huh?" Up in the treetop overhead, the ever lazy sensei Hatake Kakashi flipped through his porn.

"That's your excuse for everything. Catch the damn cat. We don't wanna. Wavers. Beat up some weakass thugs. Don't wanna. Wavers. HAIL ME AS A GOD. Don't wanna. WAVERS." The garden suddenly exploded in fire, causing the lethargic Sasuke and Sakura to leap back in surprise while Naruto stood up, framed against a pillar of fire that had been an old woman's garden a moment ago.

"Sensei." The word was punctuated by the fire suddenly flaring, increasing in intensity. Sakura started to sweat, Sasuke managing to keep his cool composure by reminding himself that Naruto 'technically' sort of acknowledged him slightly.

Give or take depending on the day.

"Yes Naruto?" Kakashi sing-songed back, looking past his book with an eye in an upwards curve.

"We want a new mission. A badass one. With lasers." The tornado of flames died down, a swirl of embers dissipating with it.

Kakashi remained silent for a few moments, before turning back to his book, flipping a page.

The tree exploded.

"Ano-sa, ano-sa, you have really got to watch that temper of yours Naruto. You could get someone killed if you keep this up." Walking around the blackened tree trunk, one of the deadliest men of his era sighed with a half lidded eye.

"My superpowers, my rules. Now about that mission..." Naruto trailed off as Kakashi gave a wave of his hand.

"When you said 'we', I didn't hear Sasuke or Sakura agreeing or disagreeing with you. So I'm not doing anything until I hear a unanimous decision on this thing only 'YOU' seem to have decided." Raising an eyebrow, the blonde turned towards Sasuke and Sakura, the light catching his eye just behind his goggles.

Its red, almost lupine stare made goosebumps run up and down both of their arms.

"Agree with me. NOW." He wasn't asking a question, that much was apparent.

"S-screw that you pyro-freak! I'm not going to do what you tell me just because it's a threat!" Steeling her courage, and trying to impress the boy present, Sakura affirmed herself.

"Actually I kinda agree with him to be honest. I'm sorta sick of these weak missions. I want something a little more intense." Sasuke didn't look at either of them when he said this, instead looking at the garden that was currently still burning.

"OH YEAH! BRING ON THE NEW MISSIONS SHANNARO!" Sakura punched her fist into the air to emphasize her enthusiasm.

Kakashi sighed again, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Well, while I can see that you're all pumped for something a little more difficult..."

"It's always a good sign when someone says that!" Naruto excitedly chattered to himself, hopping up and down.

"I'm afraid that with your maturity level as low as it is, I couldn't consciously take you on a mission any higher than this." His world suddenly crashing down on itself, Naruto tried his best to pull himself together as emotionally as he could.

"THE HELL'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? I'M MATURE!" Yep, he's real mature.

"Really? You're sure about that?" Sticking his thumb over his shoulder, Kakashi indicated towards the badly singed tree, which at that point had reached structural breaking point, falling onto the just finished burning garden with a crash, causing the fire to reignite.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I think I'm mature?"

The husk of the tree exploded, causing all four of them to turn towards the blast. "Well that's weird, I didn't cause that explosion." This left the entire squad of team 7 flabbergasted until a figure walked out from the smoking ruins.

"Your job...was to de-weed my garden. You instead BURNED IT TO THE GROUND!" An elderly, fairly plain looking woman walked through the debris, framed against the destruction of the garden. "My plants are dead. But they will live on through myself, because in this hand-" She brandished a spade "-and in this heart-" She pressed her fist against her upper chest "-THEIR WILL LIVES ON! MY SPADE WILL PIERCE YOUR SKULLS!" The fire suddenly reignited, framing the woman against an epic backdrop.

"Now, you see, this is what I was talking about. Mature people try to complete missions without causing horrible destruction and inciting public outrage. When they can't, they own up to their own mistakes, right-" Kakashi turned back to find Naruto not only gone, but Sasuke and Sakura missing as well. "-guys? Oh for the love of...

"...well crap." Turning to the woman, he found her directly in front of him, yanking his collar till he was at eye level. "There's no chance that this won't end with horrible pain, is there?" Her eyes blazed with righteous justice as her spade glinted in the light of her fallen garden.

"Can I at least read one last page of my porn before I die?"

**"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM!"**

* * *

"Okay, so; burning the client's garden that we were hired to de-weed. Immature. Leaving me to take the wrap. IMMATURE. Getting ice cream without me while I was horribly assaulted with a spade. IMMATURE!" Several new gashes decorating him, Kakashi ripped into his students, who remained licking ice cream.

"We got you some ice cream though." Sakura held out the cone.

"...what flavor?"

"...um...cookies and cream."

"...you're off the hook for now. But my decision still stands; you three are far too immature to take a mission of higher rank. Despite having multiple reasons to, I don't want to see you all killed or horrible maimed. Mostly killed, a good maiming can actually be a good life lesson." Kakashi drifted off into thought.

Naruto, having finished his ice cream, stood up. "So, what if we prove we're mature enough to handle a c-ranked mission, we can go on it?"

"No, I'm saying that you have a lot of growing up to do-"

"I'll do it! I'll see you guys later, I'm going to go prove I'm mature." Naruto ran off, Kakashi watching him retreat before a horrible thought struck him.

"NARUTO!"

Stopping in his tracks, the blonde turned. "What?"

"Having facial hair doesn't denote maturity!"

"...laaaaaa~aame! Well, onto plan B!" Turning on his heel, he sped around the corner.

Leaving Kakashi with the other two.

"We keep him around why exactly?" Sakura voiced starring worriedly at the corner Naruto had disappeared behind.

"To be honest...Something about extra paperwork if we didn't. Anyways, I'm fairly sure that he won't blow up the ENTIRE village so for you two, just reflect on why leaving me at the mercy of an enraged old lady was bad." Going to take a bite out of his ice cream, Kakashi found his mask in the way, causing an irritated growl to escape his lips.

"I'll see you two in a few hours. I have to go file the complete failure of a mission that was." Turning, Kakashi left.

Watching him leave, a sudden thought struck Sakura. Without hesitation she turned and lunged at Sasuke, landing directly on top of him while trying to pin him to the bench they were sitting on.

Only to find a scarecrow with Sasuke's clothes on it, with a matching wig and crudely drawn scowl "Dammit, not again! How many freakin' decoy Sasuke's does he have anyways?"

Behind the bushes, almost naked (Save for his boxers) Uchiha Sasuke sighed. _'Not enough that I have clothes for all of them.'_ Making a note to buy more sets of the exact same clothes, Sasuke snuck away.

* * *

Meanwhile, Naruto searched for a way to be mature. "Dammit, I thought I was done with all this testing crap! Stupid Kakashi, thinks I'm immature. So I have some emotional problems, I'm an emotional guy! You know what I'm getting at?" He asked the boy next to him, who starred at him with a hint of fear and confusion.

"Who are you?"

"Your right! I shouldn't be lying down on the job! I should be out, proving my...mature...iness..."

"Please stop talking to me, I can feel myself getting dumber with every word your saying."

"Thank you, my dearest friend!" Throwing a smoke pellet on the ground, the resulting explosion momentarily blinded the unfortunate child.

Farther away, Naruto walked along with a wide gait. "Things just aren't working out. I need to figure out how I can prove I'm mature. That guy wasn't any help, but I can't give up. Holy crap I'm hungry." A massive growl escaped his gastric sack, causing him to double over.

"Need...food...must DEVOUR NEAREST SOURCE OF NUTRIENCE!" Screaming to the heavens and causing several bystandards to give him a wide berth, Naruto tore off towards the nearest food stands.

Which just happened to be Ichiraku's for some reason that is completely not my fault.

Hehehe.

Throwing the curtains aside, Naruto slammed his hands on the counter. "I REQUIRE YOUR LARGEST BOWL OF RAMEN!"

"What kind?"

"BEEF!"

"That'll be 3700 ryo."

"O-KAIY!" Slamming the money on the table, the boy proceeded to devour the ramen with inhuman appetite. "OM NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM!"The sound of his devouring filled the restaurant, before one last mighty slurp signaled the beast that was Uzumaki Naruto had finished feeding.

"Best...three thousand...seven hundred ryo...I ever spent." Sitting back and patting his stomach, he suddenly realized something. Normally when he ate here he was alone, but this time, there was someone present. A young child, who was currently looking at him as though he was about to devour him alive.

"Y-you're not human. No one eats ramen like that."

"No one but me. Uzumaki Naruto, and from your face you've never heard of me."

"Y-yeah. I'm Konohamaru."

"Nice to meet ya." Letting out a burp, Naruto stood up. "Okay, that was good, thanks old man Teuchi." Naruto waved at the man, who shook his head.

"If you didn't order such large meals I would have kicked you out of here for all the business you've traumatized over the years."

"Hey, I paid for my food, I'll eat it how I want. Besides, it's so much faster this way. Means I get more of my day done."

Teuchi shook his head, turning back to Konohamaru. "Kid, if you ever decide to take a lesson from anyone, DON'T take it from him." Teuchi laughed, Naruto frowning.

"Hey, I'm a wealth of knowledge! Without me, who else would know the best way to blow things up...and I JUST REALIZED HOW I CAN PROVE I'M MATURE...and you get to help."

Slowly turning towards the boy who had started to cower, Konohamaru managed a weak "h-how?".

"What's more mature then educating the next generation?"

Oh dear.

* * *

_**/MEANWHILE IN THE LAND OF GUMDROPS, RAINBOWS AND FLAMING HELLIONS OF DOOM/**_

Well okay, not really.

Nervously shuffling her feat, Hinata Hyuga watched patiently while Kiba sat in a slump and Shino...was Shino.

"MAAAAN, where the hell is Kurenai-sensai? It's been like what, an hour?" Barking at a fairly high volume, the Naruto of their group couldn't help but feel antsy.

"A-ano, I t-think that she'd have a good re-reason not to come soon. Maybe s-she got c-caught up in traffic?" Although it wasn't a very good explanation, neither of the two called Hinata on it. She was an introvert, the short period either of them had known her had gotten that point across well enough.

"I don't think she's coming." Shino's usually silent voice took both of them aback, Kiba suddenly looking at him perplexedly while Hinata tapped her fingers together in nervousness. "How do you figure?"

"I have all of you tagged with male kikaichu bugs. The males release a pheromone that stretches for miles, so it's very easy for me to track them. Kurenai is currently still at her home, from what reconnaissance tells me."

"...that's gross dude. Just, that's gross." Waving his hand, Kiba slumped lower in his spot.

"This from the guy who pee's on things as an attack?"

That comment caught Kiba's attention, causing a nerve to suddenly pop on his forehead. "Dynamic marking. It's called Dynamic marking." He punctuated the words with a slightly obnoxious tone.

"It's unsanitary, that's all it is."

"YOU WANNA GO?" Suddenly on his feet, Akamaru perched on his head, Shino found his view filled with Kiba's snarling face.

"I don't 'go' anywhere with guys, but if you're looking for a fight, then I will oblige." A sudden buzzing filled the grove they were waiting for their sensei, as though a massive amount of insects were converging on their position.

"P-please don't fight!" Caught between drawing attention to herself and ending the violence, she stood with her arms infront of her, looking distraught. This would not end well...

Which was when the ground exploded several feat infront of them.

"Eh?"

"...eh?

"E-eh?"

A billow of dust arose from the spot where something extremely large and heavy had landed, a deafening silence suddenly rising over the grove.

Then a voice spoke; and Kiba knew fear.

"Hohohoho! To see youth, so intoxicated with exploding emotions! Such strong feelings, overwhelming your untrained hearts! Truly it is only with my discipline that you shall achieve THE GREATEST YOUTH! Kurenai! You were right to bring me-" With a stomp of his foot the silhouetted figure suddenly blew apart the cloud of dust obscuring him.

"Maito Gai; to the table! I will bring forth, THESE CHILDRENS YOUTH TO ITS FULL POTENTIAL!" Perched atop a turtle, the man named Maito Gai flexed in his green jump suit, orange leg warmers, bowl-cut hair and elite ninja vest.

"..."

"..."

"...oh DEAR GOD ITS RIDING UP!" Suddenly realizing what he was so horrified pointing at, Hinata and Shino made quick haste to avert their eyes while Kiba just stood petrified in terror.

"Hm? Oh, crap, I specifically bought this one because the brochure said that it wouldn't do that." Fixing his spandex Gai flashed a smile.

"Okay, I can see that you're all ready to explode into combat! You two, fight until you can't move. I would like to speak with the lady alone." 'Meeping' in horror, Shino and Kiba suddenly eyed each other, Kiba flashing a grin while Shino remained with a steady frown on his face.

"When I give the word." Taking a seat on a bench, Gai waited while Hinata sat down on the far end of the same seat. "Thank you, Kurenai-san wanted me to have a word with you. Oh, but first-"

"HAJIME!" Kiba flew at Shino, who backpedaled away from him in a flurry of insects. "Okay, while their busy. Kurenai is sick for the day, so she's asked me to look after you three. My team is currently training on their own right now, so I have plenty of time to really assess each of your individual problems. Yours in particular she wanted me to look into."

Not expecting this from the man who had previously been spouting complete insanity a moment ago, Hinata's hands rung over each other as nervousness took hold of her. "A-ano...I know...I'm weak."

The way she said something like that so easily caused a deep frown to cross Gai's face. "Weakness is just a temporary state of things. It's with training and discipline that we achieve our greatest potential and overcome." Kiba back flipped away from the swarm of insects, rolling to the side before kicking into a full dive at the unmoving Shino.

I...I don't think I can."

"Why do you think that? Is it because you believe it, or...someone else perhaps?"

"M-me." The way she looked away told him everything. Maito Gai however, was more perceptive then most, and knew from what little he had read in her file, that direct confrontation was not the way to go with this one. "I see...then perhaps you need to reimagine yourself."

Diving at Shino with a hard swipe, Kiba was hit with a face load of insects, only to burst into a log a moment later.

"R-reimagine myself?" She looked suddenly torn, a small frown crossing her face before looking down at her wringing hands. "Yes, because I can tell there are other sides to you. You're not weak in a conventional sense, you have strength. It's simply that you're letting your own image get in the way of that. The way around this is to reinvent your outside. Then perhaps the inside may change, if a little."

Suddenly caught in the open, the normally in control Shino stared around warily, before he sensed it. Leaping into the air, he narrowly dodged Kiba who had pounced where he stood a moment ago. Flying into hand seals, the boy didn't have a chance before a small ball of fur tackled him in midair, violently wriggling down his collar.

"Aa-ano...i-if I were to try that, and I'm not saying that I will..." A flash of something brief crossed her face. Determination perhaps? "T-then how would do that?"

"Hmmm...a very good question. Being as youthful as I am, I unfortunately came to a single and unfortunately...hip...solution to such a thing. Your training for today is simple on the outside; and it is in THIS THAT YOUR NEW SELF SHALL BE REALIZED!" From seemingly nowhere Gai pulled forth-

A copy of Street Fighter.

"A-a video game?" The now unfathomably confused girl stood with a dumbstruck face, in contrast to Gai's large smiling one.

"Yes, I took it on the advice of my rival. You see, modern media has many people it can look towards for inspiration. I wouldn't recommend taking full life lessons, but there are certain admirable convictions that fictional characters share. I entertained using films or books, but those are to detached, like you're watching from the inside out."

Hinata turned over the back of the high-res DVD, still looking unsure. "Video games, as my eternal rival explained to me in a hip manner as possible, allow you to take a direct control in a characters role in the story. You experience firsthand what they experience, and generally have full reign of their abilities. Fighting games seemed the best pick, considering a wide roster of people you could try modeling yourself after, and might even insight some combat ideas. Since, after all, you are doing this to be a better ninja." Her confused look had become a deep frown.

"But...father forbids things like this. He says it rots your brain, and strains your eyes until they fall out!" She suddenly looked completely mortified, about ready to hand the disk back and be done with it. _'Oookay, clearly it's her father that's the center of her turmoil.'_

Watching his little buddy wriggle around in the oversized coat, Kiba actually smirked at how uncomfortable Shino looked. "Well, it appears you've fallen right into my trap Shino. Give up, or face true humiliation!" Although not sure how to proceed, Shino opted to bluff and see where things went.

"You do realize that I have kikaichu in here, right? As I speak your puppy is losing consciousness." Kiba noted how the parka had a considerable lack of wriggle.

Then he smirked.

"I was hoping you'd say that. Because now I get to explain my ULTIMATE PLAN!"

"Which is?"

"You'll find out in about three seconds. Here's a hint though: What happens when you give a dog a huge drink and don't take it for walksies?" The normally analytical Shino raised an eyebrow, mulling this over.

Before both his eyebrows shot up to his hairline and his eyes grew wider than his glasses. He promptly ran around screaming about 'UNSANITARY MONGRELS' and doing something horrible to Kiba for this 'uncleanly injustice'. Kiba just smirked, his impromptu plan working perfectly. "Akamaru, your sacrifice will not be forgotten." He muttered under his breath.

Back to the other two.

"It's alright. I have done research on these things, and the worst side effect is a sedentary lifestyle and maybe some eyestrain. Neither of which should be a problem for a Hyuga, considering the Byakugan. Seriously, that thing makes Neji-kun look like a constipated old guy with too many tumors on his face."

"..."

"You didn't hear me say that. If you play for half an hour about two meters away from a mid-sized TV then you should be able to dodge any of those negative side effects." Still looking unsure, Hinata turned over the case again, taking in the colorful cast of characters.

"Hmm..." Perhaps one last nail in this coffin, Gai mused.

"Like you said before Hinata, this is entirely your choice. You can hand back the game to me, and I can trade it in for a movie or something. I just thought that I should bring it forwards to a girl who seems very strong, just unsure." Gai held out his hand, and waited.

A short time passed by.

"I...I'll t-try it. But I don't own a game system or anything like that." She frowned, before she was suddenly handed the necessary equipment.

"W-where..?" She trailed off, Gai pulling out a controller from his pant socks.

"Normally I use weights, but lugging all this electrical hardware around has been great for my cardio." While part of her deeply questioned how he could fit a midsized television in his pants, Hinata chose not to question, instead putting the game in her pocket.

"S-so, how does one actually...play a video game?"

Gai frowned, suddenly at a loss. "Well...I guess...hmmm...I don't know. That's usually Kakashi's department, as are all 'hip' things. I suppose just pick whomever you like from the roster, fight, and then see what happens?" A shuffling noise accompanied by heaving suddenly drew both their attention sideways.

"S-Shino?" Hinata had never seen the quiet boy as such. Face drawn tight, panting heavily as he swayed from side to side. He opened his distraught mouth to speak, only to have foam explode outwards, before falling backwards unconscious.

"Wow. What'd you do to him?" Gai asked as Kiba walked up, smirking from ear to ear.

"The jerk was making fun of my 'Dynamic Marking' skill, so I figured I'd give him a taste first hand. Since Akamaru hadn't had a chance to pee this morning, and because he could actually fit in his coat, we decided to double team the chump. Oh, which reminds me..."

"Dynamic Marking. _Bitch._" Coming from Kiba, that word had a whole other meaning to it. Shino's unconscious, foam riddled face stared back. It was at this point Hinata noted that his jacket was moving, before a slightly wet Akamaru stuck his head out, careful to avoid the soaked pants Shino wore.

"There you are little buddy. Way to take one for the win." Kiba smirked, Akamaru weakly barking in approval.

"So...y-you had Akamaru pee on him?" HInata starred at him incredulously.

"Yep; heheh, couldn't have gone more to planOHDEARGOD!" Which was precisely when a massive swarm of Kikaichu's engulfed Kiba, frothing around him with ceaseless abandom. "THEIR IN MY EYES!"

"Ah, Shino is an Aburame, correct?"

"Hm."

"That explains it. The bugs are very protective of their hosts." Gai nodded with his eyes closed.

"THEIR IN MY MOUF! GAGHUGHAPHUWA!" The last conscious thing Kiba said before pitching backwards unconscious. The bugs suddenly swarmed back to Shino, only to stop as if to sniff him and fly away.

"T-that...was weird." Hinata could only manage to say, Gai nodding.

"Well, they both were to fight until unconscious, so this couldn't be better timed. I'll talk to you later Hinata. Remember, be yourself, but look to others for inspiration on how to be the best you can be. Tata!" Grabbing the two boys (And careful not to get dog pee on his new jumpsuit), Gai walked off.

Leaving Hinata to mull over her feelings.

"But...how do I get this home?" The thirty pound T.V could give no answers, its black screen remaining vacant.

* * *

**/AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT/**

Well not really.

"There are probably laws against kidnapping right?"

"It's not kidnapping, it's educating! Do you want to learn to be a better ninja or not?"

"Not if it's against my will."

"Jeez, this must be how Kakashi feels all the time. Look, I have to prove I'm mature, so what better way to do that then teaching a younger peer on the necessities of life."

"I think my parents are supposed to do that."

"And do they?"

"..." Konohamaru's silence was all the justification the blonde needed, a smirk crossing his face.

"Okay then, we start with the basics. Here's a lighter and a fire cracker. Go cause an explosion." Handing an explosive the size of his fist and a lighter with the word 'BiTCHIN'' written across it, Konohamaru eyed the two objects warily.

"Oh, and when you light the fuse, run away. FAST." Turning Naruto walked away, before turning back and watching attentively.

The newly dubbed student sighed. "This is probably a terrible idea." But rather than give the clearly insane boy a reason to cause him some horrible bodily harm, he instead went with it. First off, lighting the lighter.

Which was harder then he originally thought it would be; Konohamaru fruitlessly flicking the spark because of his fingers small size. Naruto watched, frowning, "Well he has to start somewhere, it might as well be this." Walking over to the troubled boy who had thrown the lighter on the ground in frustration, Naruto squatted down.

"Okay, what's wrong?" The actually sincere sound of concern in his voice made Konohamaru squint.

"Nothing, just some maniac has kidnapped me and is forcing me to experiment with explosives. I'm the freakin' Hokage's grandson and the one time I actually want someone rescuing me is when no one does! My whole life is stupid!" Huffing, the boy crossed his arms.

"You think that's stupid? My teacher things I'm not mature! As if! It takes a certain kind of maturity to burn down a garden, blow up a tree and threaten your teammates into agreeing with you! All I want is a little acknowledgement, and maybe a bitchin' mission with lasers!" Sitting down, the two of them fell into silence.

"...I attacked my grandpa today in an attempt to seize the position of Hokage."

"I...may have done some things I shouldn't have involving fire and ice cream. Maybe I'm not as mature as I thought I was..."

Again, silence.

"Ah hell, of course I'm as mature as I think I am! You know what? I think I've been going about this teaching thing wrong. What we need here is channel your wants. Your want is to assassinate your grandfather and take his position?"

"Well to be honest I just want to gain some acknowledgment. I didn't actually want to kill him, I mean my whole ploy was to run at him with a shuriken and hope I get a lucky hit."

"...that's...okay, well if you want acknowledgement from a ninja, then you have to beat them at being a ninja. So, let's make a plan, shall we?" Frowning with a grin, Konohamaru discovered that Stockholm's syndrome might have some points to it after all.

Meanwhile, the ANBU on the rooftops could only frown. "This does not bode well." She muttered, before retreating into the shadows.

* * *

"I see that your mission was a failure again, Kakashi?" The stern look from the older man made the sweat pooling on the back of his neck chill. Damn latex, doesn't breath at all.

"I-if it's any consolation, it was mostly Naruto's fault."

Standing in front of the assembled desk where the Hokage, Iruka and some other guy sat, Kakashi could feel their combined glares. "I know Naruto can be a little difficult to teach but he was never prone to the violence you've been talking about. Not to mention from the error report I received from the owner of the garden-"

"SHE SPEAKS LIES! THAT WOMAN IS MADE OF EVIL AND DETERMINATION!" Kakashi's arms flailed about wildly, the three present not really sure how to handle the normally complacent man.

"B-be that as it may-" The hokage suddenly stood up.

"I don't want to hear any excuses. Failing one or two missions is fine, but frankly your fail rate has risen to one hundred percent in the last month. I'm still getting demands from the Daimyo's wife for Naruto's head after what he did to her cat; and I'm sure I don't have to remind you of what happened in the town square..." The Hokage trailed off.

_'We don't have to polish the statues; I can just burn the gunk off! Watch!'_ Goosebumps rose on Kakashi's skin. "Oh, I won't forget that anytime soon. I thought my ANBU career was disturbing..."

The Hokage nodded. "Excuses won't solve this problem. Now I've known Naruto for some time now, considering how often he's hauled into my office. He's fickle, but generally the thing that sets him off is people who don't acknowledge him. I don't suppose you've been treating him differently than your other students because of his...problem." The obvious hint in the man's voice didn't go unnoticed to Kakashi.

"Not that I can think of. Although I do have to pull him aside far more often than Sasuke or Sakura. Mainly because he doesn't follow orders like Sasuke or Sakura."

Iruka's eyes widened. "That's probably it then. He doesn't really respond to stuff like confrontation, especially because he can cause so much destruction if he puts his mind to it. Maybe you could try sending a little praise his way." Kakashi shook his head.

"That's just it though, so far, there's been nothing about him that's really been worth complimenting. Other than his pyromaniac techniques he's a terrible ninja. He doesn't sneak, his physical abilities are just above Sakura's, and he realizes far too heavily on the kyuubi to really realize his potential. He actually demanded that I take the squad on a c-rank mission today, and I had to tell him no because of his actions." The Hokage nodded slowly while Iruka frowned.

The third guy was all like 'wuuut?'

"I understand that you have a lot to think over Kakashi, so I'll let this mission slide but-" The leader of the village was suddenly interrupted as the door flew open.

"Oji-san! I came to talk to you!" In his most boisterous voice, the young Konohamaru's tone rang through the large hallway.

"Oh dear god not again." Smacking his old forehead, Sarutobi Sasuke sighed. "What is it Grandson?"

"I have a proclamation to make!" Squaring his shoulders and fixing his face into a mock-up of a determined scowl, Sarutobi resisted the urge to snicker.

_'Kids these days, honestly.'_ Coughing with his fist, the older man crossed his arms behind his back, not bothering to explain the situation to his very confused table mates.

"And what proclamation is that, may I ask? I hope it's not another assassination attempt, I barely survived the last one."

Taking a step forwards, Konohamaru reached behind him. "I have come to proclaim...MY DEFEAT!" Whipping his arms around him the boy produced a small present, red with a green bow.

The room fell dead silent.

"Y-your defeat?" The Hokage was actually surprised by this turn of events, the normally brazen boy suddenly exclaiming this...something was off.

"Yes; I have realized that this conflict is pointless. So I'm giving up, with this peace offering in return for my continued existence!" Kneeling low, he laid the present at the man's feet.

"Umm...okay, it's been a while since this has happened. Not since the Kumo war has anyone _admitted_ defeat..." A sudden thought crossed his face.

"I...appreciate the gesture, but how can I be sure that this gift is not per say an explosive of some kind?"

Konohamaru's face shifted from confident yet submissive to that of shock and anxiety. "U-uh...well...I don't really..." The Hokage smirked, knowing he had his inexperienced opponent cornered.

"Why would anyone want to betray your trust, Hokage-sama?" A voice from seemingly nowhere coo'ed, a high-pitched female voice. Taking a step away from the box which had begun to bounce around, the room was suddenly filled with a plume of vapor so thick it obscured everything a foot in front of you.

Careful not to breathe it in while the others hacked and coughed, silence suddenly descended in the room as a figure became apparent through the smoke. An hourglass figure framed by long curls of blonde hair, a bombshell of beauty stepped through the smoke.

"How can I be a proper gift if you're so suspicious Sarutobi-sama?" With a wink, Sarutobi's fate was sealed. The fact that an extremely skimpy bikini was the only thing separating him from seeing her more ample assets also had a factor in it.

Whatever the case, Sarutobi found himself completely frozen like his peers as a trickle of blood ran down his nose. "A-ah...huh..." He managed to mutter out, the girl giggling bubbly before crossing the threshold of space between them.

"Now, before I can properly thank you, I have a small message from Konohamaru-kun to you." She indicated towards Konohamaru, who had covered his eyes and was blushing furiously.

"A-a-a-and what might that be?" The man was completely frozen as her fingers slowly walked up the front of his robe.

"A little closer and I'll tell you." She winked again. The circumstances of all this set off warning bells.

He told the bells to shut the hell up.

Leaning in, he listened carefully as her pursed lips came dangerously close to his ear. "Explosion." Was what she whispered.

His eyes widened widely, suddenly noticing the whisker marks that were accenting her face. "Crap!" She smirked, forming a hand seal. Before a boot connected with her head and she found herself hovering several stories above the ground.

"Well that could have gone better." Were her last words before she exploded in a plume of fire and smoke, shaking the windows of houses.

Standing tall back in the room, the now reoriented Hokage fixed his grandson with a stern look, the ANBU who had technically saved him from a horrible death looking livid. "Konohamaru, did you consciously just try to have me seduced and then EXPLODED?" The man's eyes blazed with ritious indignation.

"K-kinda." His grandson withered under the look.

"Explain yourself." The question left no room for disobedience.

"W-well, you're always going on and on about how I should take being a ninja seriously, and Naruto-sensei said that being sneaky and deadly is what Ninja are generally supposed to do-" The hokage's eyes widened.

"Naruto...sensei. You've been taking lessons on how to be a ninja...FROM NARUTO." Rather than look enraged, the man looked a little frightened at the idea.

"At first I was a little worried about it, but...it was sort of his idea to trick you with the box. He told me that it was just going to be a harmless fire cracker in the box though."

"Which was the original plan until you starting asking questions, your holiness." The new voice caused everyone to turn towards the blonde, who stood in the center of the room.

"You! You're the cause of all of this! If it wasn't for me, you would have had the hokage killed!"

"You know I was probably going to disarm her in a moment, it's simply my surprise that could have gotten me hurt." The Hokage grumbled, but for once was ignored.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" She demanded, arms straight at her sides.

"Confetti." Naruto responded back.

"Eh?"

Now thrown off her argument, Naruto chose to continue. "That wasn't an explosive clone, that was just a normal fire clone that I converted into a confetti bomb clone with shinshei umarekawari. Other than the loud bang it's totally harmless."

"What about all the smoke and fire?" She indicated towards the flames-

Which were just red and black confetti.

"Eh, buh, what?" She stared flabbergasted.

"See, I'm mature. I wasn't going to actually endanger anyone's lives, just put them in mild harms way. I do it all the time. That daimyo's cats still alive, amiright?" He smirked, no one else joined him. "The fact is, I wasn't going to let anyone get hurt, just educate a young aspiring ninja!"

"Be that as it may, you two have humiliated me today! With nothing but two henge's and an A-class transformation skill you successfully put an explosive right in front of me! SUCH A THING IS-!" The previously raging old man stopped shouting.

"Actually very sneaky. You've done well as a ninja, Konohamaru." The boy, previously cowering, stopped, his face a blank slate of surprise.

"Say wha'?" He winced as the man patted his brown hair.

"While I don't necessarily condone your methods, you were successful in your mission, and that is the first step to being a good ninja. Ruthlessness. The next step is of course knowing when you've gone too far."

"Which doesn't exist." Naruto laughed over the top of his head.

"I would appreciate it if you didn't really try to emulate Naruto though. He's kind of insane."

Rubbing his face, Konohamaru smirked, nodding. "Okay, but he's still my first sensei!"

"What about me?" Ebisu shouted suddenly, poking his head through the door.

"Oh Ebisu." Kakashi laughed, before long everyone joined in on the guffaw.

"Hahaha...yeah. There's still one thing I don't get. Naruto, you're still not very good at transformations, but you created an illusion that could fool the Hokage. How'd you manage that?" Iruka's question cued several raised eyebrows, Naruto remained smirking behind his goggles.

"It was easy. I can turn into a woman."

Dead silence.

"Naw, I've just been practising. Could you imagine though?" No one laughed.

"I've been practising. Plus, gratuitous nudity and explosions are great distractions. Remember that, Konohamaru."

He nodded, before turning and running out the door screaming "GRATUITOUS NUDITY AND EXPLOSIONS!"

"Please go catch him." With a groan the hokage cradled his nose in between his fore-finger and thumb.

Sighing, Ebisu nodded, question whether he was an elite teacher or a baby sitter. "Come back honorable grandson!" This left the room with only one unwanted occupant.

"So...gotta catch'em all, what's that all about?" His attempt at breaking the tension only garnered glares from his teachers and Hokage. Before they turned into looks of confusion as Rock Lee suddenly appeared beside Naruto.

"Lee? What the hell are you doing here, you're not supposed to show up for at least another twenty sum chapters." Kakashi scratched his temple looking conflicted.

"Ano, Gai-sensei has me speed training. Whenever someone is to make a poor reference to something I am to appear, and exact vengeance for the media that is being butchered for the sake of cheap laughs."

"Really?" Naruto asked, frowning at Lee.

"Yes." The miniature version of Gai responded, before kneeing Naruto in the groin with enough force to lift him off the ground. Toppling to his knees, Naruto groaned as Lee saluted him. "Target: AVENGED!"

"I apologize for breaking your student, Kakashi-sensei."

"No-no Lee. Thank YOU. Come back anytime to break the fourth wall." Kakashi gave him a wave as he picked up the semi-conscious Naruto, who had vomited a little.

"I am off!" Lee teleported away.

"I'll see you guys later, I have a brat to get home. Could you file a mission claim for me though?"

"And which mission is that?" The very tired Hokage sat in a slump, not really sure he wanted to know what possible mission he could take Naruto the hellion on.

"That C-rank mission in the land of waves. I'm booking it, we'll meet with you tomorrow." Walking through the door, Kakashi closed it with a snap, leaving the three men and one ANBU alone.

Which was when the third guy finally snapped. "Okay, just WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? WHAT WAS THAT? WHY ARE THEY SUDDENLY OFF THE HOOK? WHO THE HELL ATTEMPTS TREASON AND GETS OFF THE HOOK FOR IT? WHAT PART OF ANYTHING THAT JUST HAPPENED ISN'T ILLEGAL? WHO THE HELL IS ROCK LEE?" Frothing at the mouth, the man's heavy breathing was slowed as Sarutobi handed him his pipe.

"Here, take some of this. It'll calm you down."

"How is tobacco going to help me feel like not hyperventilating?" The man asked with a sigh.

"It won't. Thankfully that's not tobacco in the pipe."

* * *

After lugging the equipment as sneakily as possible through the Hyuga compound, Hinata managed to jerry rig the television to a vcr and subsquent game system. After a few minutes figuring it out she finally set up the tv, and with great reluctance she waited as the start menu booted up.

"If father finds out...I'm dead." She groaned. A very large part of her knew what would happen if his Byakugan found a television with video games in her room, but another, very small part of her felt excited at the idea of disobeying her father's wishes.

With the title screen flashing up, Hinata turned the egg timer at her side to half an hour. "O-okay, here goes." Click start she shifted through the menu, before finding the story section.

"G-Gai sensei said to find a c-character I liked...so who do I like?" The character select screen flashed up, and Hinata realized that this might be harder then she initially thought. "Who the...I guess I just pick someone." A frown crossed her face, having to go by looks alone to pick someone.

"Maybe...her? No...hmm...w-wow...those are pretty big...Can human hair even do that? Wow, some of these guys are scary...maybe I should just quit, I can't pick anyone and...mmm..." Remembering why she was doing this, to become a stronger shinobi, what part of her could steel herself did.

"Okay...if I can't pick...then I guess I'll try random." Checking the controller she made sure to press the select button. The silhouette's of characters flashed across her selection area before landing on...Ken.

"U-uh...maybe I should pick someone else." She grimaced, the muscle bound blonde not exactly a character she would likely find many similarities with. "Well, maybe I can quit and just pick someone-"

"FIGHT!" The voice taking her by surprise, Hinata found herself thrust into combat. "H-holy crap!" Realizing that she, the eventual head of the Hyuga family had just sworn at the top of her voice, she immediately covered her mouth. Naturally this gave the opportunity her virtual opponent needed to perform an ultra combo on Ken, killing him instantly.

"B-but..." The retry screen popped up.

Part of her should have probably just quit like she'd said before.

But rather then do that, she picked up the controller unsteadily, and pressed the button.

**About 15 minutes later**

"H-how do you do that move with the fireball?" Looking over the controller before exasperatedly sighing, Hinata shrugged her shoulders, the action causing her thumbs to splay on the controller.

_"HADO-KEN!" _Eyes snapping wide in surprise, a small smile played across Hinata's usually downtrodden face. "He...kinda reminds me of Naruto..."

**About 5 minutes later**

"They should really tell you to read the book before you start the game. I didn't know there was a move list." Giggling to herself she looked over the various techniques.

"Sho...ryuken...hmmm..." Tapping the buttons a fierce uppercut was splayed into her opponent, knocking her unconscious as the last of her health bar went to zero. In disbelief Hinata just sat there.

"I...I won..."

**Just short of ten minutes later**

"C'mon...C'MON..." Her fingers tapping across the surface of the controller, M. Bison cackled maniacly as she tried vainly to whittle away his health. "I...can't lose. Not with Ken." Quickly tapping her buttons she unleashed Tatsumaki-senpuu kyaku, Ken rotating like a helicopter.

"I WANT SOME POUND CAKE!" Several kicks managing to land on Bison, his health dropped just low enough as Hinata's super combo bar reached its first tier. "I've got you!"

_*ding*_

Turning in surprise, Hinata realized her mistake as Bison essentially pimpslapped Ken to death, the game over screen flashing. "Huuuh...so close..." Deflating, Hinata begrudgingly pressed the power button, mulling over her thoughts.

She'd liked it. Being in control of a tough, confident, _powerful_ warrior. A small part of herself felt a pang of envy; and also noted how similar he was to Naruto. In certain ways, in others they were very different.

But the techniques though...she liked Hadoken.

"If only it was that simple...just put your two hands together and shout hadoken..." Miming the maneuver, a small childish glee rose in her chest. "Heheh...its fun. Hadoken. Hadoken." Doing it several times, something very unlike Hinata expanded outwards.

Something **bold.**

"Hadoken. Hado-ken! HADO-KEN!" Feeling more and more at home with the movement, the young but very powerful Hyuga gentlefist user accidentally let her emotions run rampant.

Which in turn caused chakra to surge forth from her hands just like a gentle fist, but combined with the forward movement...blew one of the mansion screen doors off its hinges, sending the door crashing into the inner garden.

Where Hyuga Hiashi sat meditating.

"H...Hinata...is that a video game?" The man asked with a stern yet surprised tone, indicating towards the game system and controller that were quite visible.

Panic filled her veins. "I...it's for...IT'S FOR SCIENCE!" Shouting at the first thought that came to her head, she slammed the door...

But since there was actually only one door, Hiashi could clearly see the television flashing game over instead.

"What am I going to do with that girl?" Sighing, he returned to meditation, while Hinata tried to calm her hyperventilation.

* * *

**Okay, wow, I started this like, the day before. And now its done.**

**Holy crap.**

**What can I say, I was inspired with a few things, and I didn't quite feel like leaving Konoha yet. Also, there's a specific reason I'm having Hinata become a gamer.**

**An awesome, REFERENCE reason.**

**Still, I can't help feeling like I devoted more of this chapter to her instead of Naruto. Sorry, its a story about him, and I'm expanding on other people.**

**Still, its been fun.**

**I guess the only thing left to do is demand reviews huh? Yeah.**


	4. Chapter 4: Dear god, its the WAVE ARC

**Well, ya'll liked the last chapter, so I thought, hey, why not do another one?**

**You know, for 'kicks'.**

**So, I've gone and made what started out as an at least slightly serious story, and turned it into a random romp of horror the likes of which Lovecraft himself could not conjure. Part of me likes it this way.**

**But still, to keep with the overall theme of insanity and violence this story has, it wouldn't mesh overall to just make it a long as jibber-jabber of a tale that ultimately ends up with Naruto sexing everything in the world with fire.**

**On the plus side, while I may not be the first person to include video games in a Naruto fancition, I may be the first one to have a character a possible avid gamer, and will continue to keep you updated as I slowly turn Hinata into my own nefarious incarnation of herself (With a possible increase in hadouken's).**

**Also, Haku gets a makeover. It will be STYLISH.**

**So, take the first step and READ!**

****

"...why the HELL am I awake?" The slow groaned escaped his lips like a sigh, Naruto's blonde hair framing his deeply sagging eyelids. In a change of pace he had slid his goggles around his neck, stooped over in apparrant exhaustion infront of the village gates.

"Can it Naruto." Sakura, although of equal posture, wouldn't stomach Naruto's declaration as to why they were up at five in the morning.

And Sasuke looked like he always did, completely unphased by the early hours. "I can't believe you guys are tired; you call yourself ninja?" He crossed his arms, turning away from them, eliciting a rather flustered look from Sakura.

Naruto however, chose a different way to respond. "I am the EMBER KING. The EMBER KING demands eight hours sleep. So screw you and your freakish ability to sleep for short amounts of time and then get up and do things. You're not a ninja, you're a FREAK!" The way his eyes suddenly turned red and slitted and his incisors punctuated his grimace like a snarling jackal didn't really help Naruto's argument.

Although it did make his teammates scurry away from him as though he was the black death itself.

Which was the precise moment Kakashi walked into the scene, supporting a rather haggared looking Tazuna. "I found Drunkey, we can leave. Holy crap Naruto, what the hell is wrong with your face?"

"There's nothing wrong with my face, it always looked like this." The rather perplexed way he looked at Kakashi made the man feel oddly worried, although he didn't show much of it. In a flash however, it had turned back to normal, allowing Sasuke and Sakura some breathing room.

"R-right. Well anyways, I have our precious package here, so we can get moving. You three are fully packed right?" They nodded, Sasuke and Sakura hefting up their napsacks while Naruto slung a large duffel bag over his shoulder.

"Good, I'm not sure how long this trip will take, so its important that we're packed for anything. Just in case, right Tazuna?" The odd way he punctuated the question wasn't lost to the man, but he only seemed to grunt incoherently in response. Passing his initial suspicion test, Kakashi gave the drunk a slight shove as they strode off.

"Okay, we should get going before he wanders off or-" A presence suddenly intruding on his thoughts, Kakashi turned his head towards a corner of the streets behind them, just as a pineapple styled haircut poked above a fence.

"Hey, not to late to see my ex-students off am I?" Umino Iruka laughed softly to himself. Walking up towards Kakashi as he turned, he gave a quick hello before meeting the gaze of the three pupils present.

"Man you guys look older. I remember when you were all beansprouts, just this high."

"Your not going to initiate a group hug or something are you? Because Naruto doesn't do the group hug."

"You couldn't pay me to touch him. Seriously." Sakura's fairly blank stare at Iruka made the man feel immensely uncomfortable.

"Uh, guys, Tazuna's wandered past the trees. We should probably, like, go after him or something." Sasuke spoke up.

He was promptly ignored.

Iruka laughed "No, no, this isn't the time for hugs. I just was in the area and heard about your mission, so I thought I'd just stop by and get a little nostalgic. Oh, and also have a word with your sensei." Kakashi's only eyebrow arched up, the man sending Iruka a quizzical look.

"You know, technically I outrank you; so I could just dismiss you now and leave right?"

"True, but I'm also the only guy Naruto has ever admitted has some leeway with, and thus can convince him to make your lives a living hell."

Kakashi turned a quizzical look at Naruto while Sakura blanched. "You can get worse?" She screeched.

"What can I say? The guy has pretty mad negotiation skills. Oh, and money for ramen. I gotta get my fix you know?" Naruto slid his goggles over his eyes, crossing his arms over his head. Kakashi turned back to Iruka before sighing loudly.

"Fine, but make it quick."

"Seriously, I can barely see Tazuna anymore. Oh, wait, he's throwing up by a ditch. That might buy us some time." Sasuke was ignored again.

A few minutes later, the four of them caught up with Tazuna, who sent them a hateful puffy-eyed stare. "You guys are the worst band of ninja I've ever seen." Was all he said. Kakashi responded with a simple eye smile. "The worst band of ninja you've ever seen SO FAR." Tazuna grumbled in response.

So, they walked; and they walked. They walked and walked and walked; and walked some more until-

"Dude, your not Dr. Suess, stop pretending you are!"

Sorry.

"Naruto, what the hell are you yelling at?" Sakura asked with some deep skepticism etched in her face.

"Hm? Oh, right, you guys can't hear him can you? Well, you know those voices that tell you to burn all your friends alive and make a house out of there charred remains?"

"N-no."

"Well it's not that voice, but hell if it's not as annoying as that one."

"One day Naruto, one day we'll get you the medication you need."

"Please, they don't have a dosage high enough." Scoffing over his shoulder, Naruto watched a puddle behind him, something that Kakashi noticed as well. Idly, the man wondered if Naruto would notice that it hadn't rained in serveral days, and why that was important.

To his disappointment however, the boy simply turned back towards the front of the road, disinterested. _'I have a lot to work on with these three, don't I?' _Checking to make sure he was certain that Tazuna was only just within the line of fire, he relaxed his body.

The sound of shredded meat chunks filled the air as Sakura let loose a high pitched scream, a deafening clatter of chains accompanying this.

With a twist of their wrists, the two nearly identical shinobi brandished their gauntlets, their eyes framed between two pairs of spiked headbands and masks. In the centre of both of these headbands as the symbol of the mist, scratched out to symbolize their allegiance.

These men were wild dogs who fed on the misery of others. As one, they circled their remaining prey, cackling. "One down-" The first brother said.

"Three to go." The second brother finished.

As one, they leapt forwards in tandem, the chain in their wake becoming a massive snare to entrap both Naruto and Sasuke.

The roundhouse kick from Sasuke reminded the first brother just who he was dealing with. Spinning around in a flurry, the momentarily dazed ninja had a moment to blink before Sasuke's backhand sent him lurching to his knees. Finishing up with a kunai overhead, Sasuke grimaced as its edge broke against the older ninja's metal gauntlet.

Underneath his mask, the man smirked before lashing out with a kick. It was a flimsy kick, for a chuunin anyways, and Sasuke easily backflipped away. Despite this however, the only slightly fazed fighter rubbed his nose and took a stance. Sasuke was out of his face, which was what he'd wanted in the first place.

"Brat, I am going to enjoy taking you apart piece by piece." To emphasize this, the man flexed his hand threateningly, before suddenly yanking the chain around his arms. To his surprise however, it simply snagged hard, causing him to lurch. Taking full advantage of the fraction of a second the chuunin grimaced in surprise, Sasuke hurled a batch of shuriken.

_'DAMN!' _Narrowly flipping a switch on the arm guard, the seasoned ninja rolled to the side just as the shuriken impacted the ground. Kneeling low, the first brother glowered at the youth as he realized what had happened. Embedded in one of the chains many lengths was a kunai directly between the holes, effectively pinning it to the ground.

_'This is no ordinary genin.'_ Opting to play the intimidation tactic again, the man straightened up and began to circle. "You really think you can beat me? My brother and I have taken apart ninja FAR stronger and more experienced then you are. What makes you think you even stand a chance?" Waiting for the boy to answer, the seconds ticked by, with each second the brother growing more and more impatient.

Finally, after shifting his shoulder just slightly, Sasuke locked eyes with the man.

"What brother?" His voice was a thin, emotionless edge. The question took the ninja back however, confused. "What the hells that supposed to..." Realization dawned on him. Without hesitation the man whirled around, only to stop dead, his blood running cold.

Naruto stood upright, head hung low as he watched the last embers of what was once a human being disapate into nothingness. Unmistakably, at the centre of the sooty mass sat a gauntlet of steel, now black and singed.

"I'm surprised you didn't hear the explosion. He sure as hell did." Sasuke said from behind him, his cold voice piercing through the already weaked framework of the Demon Ex-Brothers mind.

"He...he's dead."

"As a door-nail."

"Y-you killed hi-him."

"That's Naruto for you. What, you were expecting us to just sit back and let you murder us?" The man whirled around, his eyes wild with grief. "You! I'll kill you!" Flying at Sasuke like a madman, the boy remained cooly vigilante and unmoving.

"DIIIIIIIIIIIE!" With all his body, the chuunin swung his arm-

Before blissful unconciousness overtook him. With a heavy slump his body fell to the ground, unmoving. Overtop of him, stood a familiar, silver haired figure, absently flipping a page in his book. "You two...did okay, although in hindsight Sasuke, you could have wrapped that up a little more quickly."

"Your not dead. I really should stop assuming you die huh?" Naruto walked over from behind, looking bored. "You probably should, yeah." Sasuke snapped his book shut with a clap, before tucking it into his pouch.

Which was when Sakura finally broke down crying. "B-buh-buuuuuuuuuuuh! I-I thought you died, a-and then the-buh-buh-those scary guys and-guh-YOUR NOT DEAD!" All four men present watched this display with varying degrees of discomfort, none of them really in their element. "Sasuke...go...console her or something." Kakashi shooed him towards the girl as he picked up the prone body on the ground.

"Why do I have to suffer to make you happy?" He scowled, one eyebrow raised. "Wavers. That's why." Kakashi shrugged, looking over at Naruto thoughtfully as the boy turned back towards the pile of ash.

Over with Sakura and Tazuna, Sasuke begrudgingly walked towards the girl bawling her eyes out on the ground, not really sure how to approach the situation. _'Just remember what your therapist told you. When talking to people...be considerate.'_ Nodding to himself, Sasuke pushed a hand towards Sakura, offering to help her up.

"Sakura...uh, I'm terrible at this. Look; just...please stop crying. Your a ninja. People die in the field all the time. I thought you of all people would understand this." Rubbing teary, bloodshot eyes, the girl took the hand, lips still shaking.

"I...I know, it just...happened so fast and, then I thought Kakashi-sensei was dead and that you were next and..." She coughed, unable to finish the sentence. "Sakura...I'm strong. You of all people know that. I'm not good at these...emotional things, so, look. I'm going to tell you what my dad told me. You have to be strong, to protect the people you care about. Otherwise...they get hurt. If I can be strong for you...I need you to be strong for me. Also, you need to STOP. CRYING." Sniffing slightly, the girl managed a smile.

Before she promptly enveloped Sasuke in a hug, much to his horror. "Uh, your touching 'tEven-" Sakura simply ignored Sasuke, just smiling. _'Finally caught you.'_ Wrestling his way out of her grip, Sasuke gloused, walking off. Sakura's smile never left her face.

"Uh, if this keeps up I'm going to throw up." Which was precisely the moment Tazuna decided to speak. "Why is it that kids can't just speak up about how they feel and stop being stupid idiots?" Tazuna suddenly jumped however when a shadow crept up behind his shoulder.

"I don't know Tazuna, why do people waste my time with c-rank missions that are clearly not c-rank, especially when they know I can break their necks with my index finger and pinkie? I guess its one of lifes mysteries" Scrambling away on all fours, the man lurched when his back hit a tree, looking desperately around for some form of escape.

"L-look, you have a right to be upset, I mean-"

"You've endangered my life, the lives of my students, not to mention lied directly to the faces of several respected officals for what I ASSUME is because you're to cheap to pay for the correctly ranked mission-"

"Yes, there's that, but I had a good reason-"

"For the record saving money isn't a valid reason-"

"True, but it wasn't so much as I didn't actually HAVE the money to buy the service I needed and-"

"Which is SO much better-"

"He's going to kill me though!" The terrified man wailed at the top of his voice, finally exasperated with terror. Absently Kakashi sighed, wondering who else was going to break out in sobs.

"Oh god...I forgot my night cap! SLEEPING TIME IS RUINED! BWAAAAAAH!" Naruto suddenly cried at the top of his voice, comicly bawling. "...all of my hate." Was all Kakashi could muster, wondering if ending his life this very moment would dishonor his ENTIRE family and lineage or if he could get away with it considering the circumstances.

After several long minutes of consoling that Kakashi really wished he hadn't had had to do in the first place, they'd finally managed to squeeze the truth out of the man.

Apparrently he was a bridge builder, as his profile had stated, but was actually the LAST skilled craftsman on a team of builders who'd been put to the task of completely a bridge. This PARTICULAR bridge happened to connect the village of the mist to the rest of the world, meaning that the heavy shipping prices that were steadily bankrupting the country would no longer have to be paid.

Gato, the shipping owner, international sleezeball and professional kicker of puppies, wasn't going to have that.

"So that's the situation. One of the richest, and not ot mention sleeziest men on the planet has it out for my head. He's hired some of the mists deadliest ninja and I'm the only man on the planet with the architectural expertise to complete the bridge. Meaning once I'm dead, the mist is doomed." Finished with his tale, Tazuna slumped back, looking exhausted and forlorn.

Kakashi remained silent, thinking. "Why didn't you just hire some REAL professionals for this mission then? I mean, those Chuunin weren't much, but I doubt a guy that's loaded like Gato is would stop with just two ninja." Naruto absently scratched his chin while kicking a stone.

"W-we have to fight more guys like that? Oh man, we should probably just hightail it now." Sakura slumped over, nearly mimicking Tazuna. "Sakura. Remember what I said." Sasuke nudged the girl to get the point accross.

"Y-your right Sasuke-kun. Forgive me."

"Oh would you two get a room." Naruto found two extremely irritated glares sent his way, to which he ignored.

"I've decided." Kakashi suddenly spoke up, everyones heads snapping towards the man in question. "Since this is your first c-rank mission, and from what I've seen I doubt that this will get much more dangerous, I think it should really be up to you three whether or not we continue." Kakashi pointed towards his three students to emphasize his point.

There was a pause.

"No offence sensei, but that's not so much making a decision, as passing the buck to us. " Naruto admonished.

"Weren't you crying a moment ago?"

"I found my emergency backup hat. Crisis was averted." Said cap mysteriously materialized on top of Naruto's head, grinning stupidly.

"...anyways, yeah, you three get to decide. Go to what is probably an high B-rank to possible A-rank mission, or walk home and leave this old guy to the mercy of whatever the hell else comes our way."

The three of them huddled together, murmuring.

"What do you guys think? I mean, not that I care, but he explicitly said we THREE, so I guess I'm stuck with you." Ignoring his rather denoting tone, Sasuke closed his eyes in thought. "...I say we do it. If we can complete an A-rank mission, we'll be that much stronger."

"Plus, think about. An entire village is in danger! We'd be heroes if we saved this old guy! Wouldn't that be awesome!" To Sasuke's chargrin, Sakura looked ecstatic at the idea of being fawned over and priased. "Okay, and you Naruto?"

"...You have to ask? Please, if it gets me another chance to blow the crap out of stuff, I'm friggin' in." Naruto's smirk reminded the two of them strongly of a fox moving for the kill, making his statement just that much more disturbing. "...you're not even slightly fazed that you burned a man alive a few minutes ago, are you?" Sasuke said this with as little emotion as he could muster, although the feeling of anxiety still crept into his voice.

"No, not really. Why, should it?" Sasuke and Sakura could only nod their heads before they broke group.

"We've decided. We'll continue the mission." Kakashi closed his eyes, nodding. "Well, that's what I get for leaving a decision this important in the hands of you three Noobs. It's your lucky day Tazuna-san." At this, the man smirked. "Yeah, I guess it is. Well, there's only one way I know hot to celebrate!" At this, the man took a massive swig of his bottle.

"Alright! We've wasted enough time as is! Let's go Tazuna's Angels!" The man turned, now rather drunk, and slopped off. "T-Tazuna's angels?" Sakura's eyebrow twitched uncontrollably at the idea of this.

"Sensei?" Peering up from his book with a teensy blush on his face, Kakashi looked towards Sasuke. "Yes?"

"What about that one ninja, the one you knocked unconcious? I haven't seem him in a while." Kakashi looked away for a moment, appearing to think, before looking back. "Oh, well, after I questioned him I tied him to a tree. The authorities are going to pick him up in a while. I doubt he'll die of exposure." The man turned back to his book, effectively ending the conversation.

However, as they started to walk, Sasuke's rather piercing gaze never left his face, and unable to concentrate, Kakashi looked back at him.

"..."

"...yes, Sasuke?" Not entirely sure what to expect from the boy, Kakashi had to admit, he unnerved him a little.

"...he's actually dead in a ditch somewhere, isn't he?"

"...you always were fairly perceptive."

"Hn. No, I'm just not a child. We don't need a risk like a rogue ninja with a vengence on our tail." With that, Sasuke broke away to rejoin his peers, who were currently ignoring eachother.

"Whatever happened to children having innocence, I wonder?" Kakashi flipped a page in a book, knowing full well the carnivorous wildlife would be eatting well tonight.

On a diet of two brothers, one flame-broiled, the other cold as ice.

"ARE WE THERE YET!" Naruto's rather exasperated voice sang over the canopy of trees, causing Sakura to flinch.

"NO WE ARE NOT THERE YET, SO STOP ASKING!" Animatedly shrieking back at the boy, Kakashi wondered idly how many enemies they'd just given their position away too.

Probably all of them, he guessed. "Would you two shut up, your going to get us all killed!" Nervously hissing under his breath, Hatchi, the boat operato,r threateningly shook his fist at the three of them. "I swear, I will turn this boat around if you don't stop bickering like school children!"

"Uh, but we are school children." Naruto earned himself a smack to the back of the head from Sakura for that one, eliciting a growl. "Don't do that again. I will end you." Leering at the girl, the boat they sat in rocked so slightly. Sakura nervously acknowledged her mistake, sheepishly apologizing.

The journey had taken them to the edge of fire country, and they now were attempting to cross the river with the aid of a ferry operator. Thanks to the mist cover, which Kakashi noticed also inhibited THEIR vision just as much as the larger water patrols that littered the small ocean, they could hopefully make it accross without being noticed.

"Are we there yet?" Provided of course Naruto didn't give away there position.

"Huh." Taking a breath, Kakashi searched for his options. "Naruto."

The boys head perked, up, not expecting to have his question addressed. "Yeah?"

"What can I do, to get you to STOP. TALKING."

"...give me that little red book your always reading. I could use some literature." Sasuke and Sakura's eyes widened as Kakashi's eye twitched. Smirking wide and smugly, Naruto watched as some waves lapped at his boat.

Tazuna took another swig of his sake.

"Murder you it is then." Moving to stand up, Kakashi suddenly lurched forwards when the boat suddenly stopped. "Uh, actually we are here. Now please get off this boat, before you gather even MORE freighters towards us. Seriously, you people have got to be the loudest ninja I've ever ferried into our village." Not bothering to acknowledge the man, Tazuna simply handed him his coins and walked off, the team following shortly after.

"Uh, sensei, you were joking before, right? About murdering me?" Naruto walked up, looking just slightly worried.

"Yes. Joking. About murdering you. For sweet silence. Sweet, sweeet silence." Kakashi suddenly gained a rather far off look that left Naruto slightly worried. "R-right." His pace quickened to catch up with his teammates. "So sensei finally lost it. Apparrently that book is important enough he'll kill for it or something." Naruto spoke up to the two.

"To be honest, I'm not that surprised. I hear a lot of Ex-ANBU and high-ranking jounins develop weird coping mechanisms to deal with the sheer horror of there lives. It's called the 'Gai Principle'. Why it's called that I have no idea though." Naruto nodded. "Huh, lucky I don't have any weird ticks like that, huh? Could you imagine?" He had the weirdest urge to burn down a house for some reason.

Oh well, the only thing that he could burn at the moment was a patch of trees and a white rabbit that ran past. A thought suddenly struck Naruto however. Why was it white, when it was the middle of summer-

"GET DOWN!" His legs suddenly sweeped from underneath him, Naruto's back hit the rough dirt with a thud, narrowly avoiding the massive black shadow that sailed past where his and his teammates skulls had been a moment ago.

The heavy crunch of wood sounded as one, two and finally three trees were violently reduced to splinters, the massive sword that had nearly killed all of them firmly embedded in the final trunk.

Springing to there feat, the four surrounded Tazuna, eyes scanning the slowly enveloping mists. Naruto absently scratched his orange shirt, feigning casual, while on the inside a deep sense of forboding welled up.

Naruto didn't like this emotion.

"I see that you have my package, Copy-cat Kakashi. Would you be so kind as to step aside so I can end him. It's already late in the afternoon, and I'm feeling sleepy." A disembodied voice filled the clearing they stood in, deep baratone brimming with the intent to cause pain and misery.

Kakashi seemed unphased however. "My reputation proceeds me." He didn't move, simply twirling a kunai between his fingers. Although, his book was suddenly absent from his hands, something that Sasuke knew meant he was dead serious. "I just happen to have a little book that has EVER so many little facts about you." There was a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye, Kakashi's entire body twitching in preperation of an attack-

That never came, a figure suddenly materializing itself atop the massive swords vertically displaced handle. "Hatake Kakashi. The Copy-Cat ninja. Uses the sharingan, has renowned record as one of Konoha's most lethal jounin. Extremely dangerous. Avoid/Kill on sight. Oddly enough, my profile says something pretty similar. Can't say I know a thousand jutsu though. That true?"

The man flipped a page in the book, his grey skin and pale complexion providing a remarkable amount of camoflague against the cool grey of the weather. Around his face a mask of bandages strung themselves, black and white camoflague leggings and arm-warmers completing the outfit.

"Yes, it actually is true; Momochi Zabuza, demon of the Hidden Mist."

"Oh, awesome, now we can skip right to the part where I kill all of you and take my bounty." Although his face remained unmoved, Zabuza absently interjected a level of excitement into his voice that left almost everyone present a little bit horrified. "What gave you that idea?" Kakashi remained tense.

"Just a hunch I guess. Gonna show me your tricks wild man, or do I have to splatter a couple of your puny pupils heads before that happens?" Zabuza's neck cracked ever so slightly. Kakashi flexed his right hand.

"I guess your right. A monster like you has at least earned some level of recognition. So I'll endulge." Grasping the left side of his slanted hitate, Kakashi's other scarred eye was revealed, flashing open to reveal a deep crimson orb. "You three, guard Tazuna with your very lives. It's the only way we'll all make it out of here alive." Sakura's face flashed with a severe degree of worry, but she nodded, along with Sasuke.

"Awe, that's cute the way you think your not going to die." Zabuza lazily crouched on his sword, watching the group intently. Kakashi turned back towards Zabuza, his full attention now fixed on the man. "Zabuza, you should know that you won't survive this encounter. I can see into the future, and all your future holds is death."

"Oh, wow, if I haven't heard that a dozen times already. Come at me bro." Zabuza spread his arms wide, literally asking for his enemy to attack-

Which was precisely the moment when a massive explosion enveloped the tree he was standing in, sending even more splinters and pieces of wood flying everwhere. Taken aback in shock, everyone turned towards the only person who could possibly be responsible for this.

Naruto absently sent them a bored expression, goggles firmly stuck over his eyes.

"What? When a bro asks you to come at him, you oblige. Plus I really hate these long ass introductions before massive fights. It's great for tention but after a while it becomes obvious there just dragging things out unnecassarily."

****

**Zabuza's dead!**

**Oh, please, like I'd kill him off just like that. Relax.**

**Not to say I wouldn't, just that you should probably just take a chill-pill or something. Shit gets real next chapter.**

**Okay, one update in two months. Not bad, could be better. A lot better, I'll admit. But considering how busy I am you can imagine that it's difficult to find the time and motivation to get up and channel even MORE of my spare time into this.**

**Thankfully, I love writing fanfiction, and I love the community.**

**Did I mention you guys are awesome? Well, you are, despite what many social majorities might say otherwise. Just remember, they suck, you don't, nothing else matters.**

**So, here's a news recap: I am currently looking for a new beta(Fans are encouraged to edit this chapter to prove themselves if they are at all interested. Yes, another unedited chapter). I am also trying to be more active on deviantart. I'm currently holding a poll on whether you, THE PUBLIC, think I should concentrate on fanfiction, or Deviantart, so if you want to poll in, go ahead.**

**I can be found on deviantart as Nun2artzy, by the way. Fans who check this out can be awarded with some cool ass art by myself, some not so cool ass art by me (What can I say, I was going through a meme phase?), and some pictures I'm not to proud of (What an I say, I watch it for the animation. Yeah, I'm sticking with that answer. Don't judge). Oh, and a little Cutting Strings wallpaper I threw together. You know, incase your one of the few people who are still holding out for that updated chapter.**

**Which I'm working on. Along with those edited chapters of the first six that are craptastical. Just thought you'd like to know.**

**Okay, I think that's it. **

**U mad? Review about it!**


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